2/20/87 [p1-b2] #2 The lonely crusader; For there once was a man who went through life looking for love in through all his travels he showed love and there were some that showed him love but he had to keep on going for his job was not through, and he did not find love the way it should have been for him so he keep on looking, now he is wounded and no one around to help him and by now he is looking for some thing he has lost, and by now it is going to take some one with the same amount of love that he lost to help him so he will keep on looking till he finds what he is looking for but by now he wonders if it was worth what he went through to find it.
For some of the people of the town waited till it was easy to send thy son away so the young would not blame them but it did not work for they got blamed any way and not just by the young for bill J. raised hell. If they keep us past 2/26 then I do not give a damn if they close this place down and send Doc. Chohand back to India and that is what he needs for not trying to believe, for the way it is here the patience should get paid for they do most of the work.
For no one wonted to believe [p2-b2] you thy son not even the ones that say they will help for remember how the women thought it was funny.
[x] Some how as we are writing thy son knows some of it is what Jesus and I talked about.
[x] For all I wanted is to be free, free to go as I please, free to speak as I wanted, so all I want is to be free so way, way lock me up should I do the same to you because I do not think you are all there and because you do not believe in the troth.
For there was the time when people though that talking about a bible up set you thy son and some think this is a way to get you, is trying to make you like one that you hate; betty, sally, ken ideal they will do any thing to save their ass one reason betty got married for she knows life as a whore is over and you know thy son how many she's been with and you know what she done to you thy son if it were not for what she done it all might been different for you thy son at least better knowing some one cared enough to stand by you that is why I give you two.
[p3-b2] 2/21/87 [x] We can keep saying it Why don't they take X rays and check the old X rays to see the miracle that we told them about.
[*] Thy son knows that he can not Satisfy every bodies problems for if people will live by thy laws then a lot would be helped; take away lie, cheat, deception, and false witness; for false witness and lying by others is the reason we are here, and the reason a restraining order was against us; was to make sure we did not get the kids and go back east and a Doc. used it against us by not telling the truth, but did not bring up the two times we were in jail one for 6o days about 6 mounts ago and one for one day over a year ago, and than the Doc. talked about a time he sent us some place before but he did not have the recorder with him and he just guessed at what he was saying.
There is thy son do not forget him he believes in you but do not like what you are doing and remember when we were sending him notes in jail and letting the cops read it before him and remember how they said who can tell about what you were talking about for you talked being taken over by God; and he does respect you thy son and now sense we told him how to prove some thing about the town thy son you do not have [p4-b2] to be the one who does it for he is your back up and he has not been committed so you have one who can help you if need be but I want him to be one around you and he would fit in with the others I chose for you thy son and remember thy son you never cared what people think about you and all ways did things the way you wanted.
[x] Not all women are like we say for it is a big world the same as we say not all men are good for some things thy son will just talk about and others can write it down; And thy son teach the good way to all for thy son you can set the example but it would be better for your son's for you are some thing no body else can be and if you go please let no women be hidden from you thy son for teach them what man and women even two can become one; set an example for the young and the world; and people if you think it is easy then you go through every thing thy son did and then try it the same way he has to.
[*] (Mel) Way did I have to go through what I did?
God - It is some thing that had to be; for you had to suffer more than any to be the son.
[p5-b2] [x] (Mel) Way don't people want to believe us?
[x] (God) For they all know they have done wrong and we do not speak what they want to hear and we do not believe like them.
[x] (Mel) Not even the ones who know me and cared about me care.
[x] (God) For they love you but you found some thing they were looking for but it was not the way they thought it would be (God) and it no longer was with them but about them.
[x] (Mel) For you know I'm not afraid of you but afraid of what you can do to me with out me knowing it or stopping it but if you want to fight me fair I will take you on.
[x] (God) That is why I am that I am, for if every body thought they had a chance and fought me then I would have to fight every body.
(Mel) Are you going to get mad if I cuss you?
(God) Being who I am I'll know the reasons.
(Mel) What should I let them know of the future?
(God) Let them know some of our dreams and if the time comes then I'll give you more for they have to prove things to us.
[p6-b2] (Mel) What about people on other planets?
(God) There are some way out there and it take a long time to meet them you know what we talked.
(Mel) What about Jesus and why did he die?
(God) We do not destroy Jesus and he died for mans sins (sacrifices) and for you, for you know what I should you and talked about.
(Mel) What about forgiving?
(God) Some were; even I quit forgiving remember thy son you only turn your cheek once.
(Mel) What about tooth for tooth eye for eye?
(God) If you knocked out some ones tooth or some one's eye then they had the right to knock yours out for not all men are righteous or lived by thy law so it was said in case a bad man jumped a good for good people should all ways protect them selves from bad; and try to change the bad to good which can't all ways be done; for if the bad is just using the good then stop.
(Mel) Does this mean I have paid for the sins of the world?
[x] (God) Yes but remember I am the one who decides on who goes to Heaven and Hell.
[p7-b2] [xx] (Mel) What about the Christ Jesus talked about?
[xx] (God) It stopped many from using thy name but you and you it is forced up on and because you used it a lot turned against you.
[xxx] (Mel) Explain the name Christ.
[xxx.] (God) I gave thy name to Jesus for now I call myself Christ thy lord God.
(Mel) Will I walk and talk with Jesus?
(God) Just wait and see what all happens to you thy son in your life.
(Mel) Will I'm going to eat but if you give me the world God then he can't give me any thing to make me worship him. (Satan)
(God) Good, for he has done nothing to you thy son.
[p8-b2] Then there was the time when we carved a set of rings, a spoon and fork, a pipe and a joint box they go in the house they son if they still are around and the guns do to; the chess men let people have along with the other stuff.
[*] (Mel) For will I be smart or dumb?
(God) You will be smart for you know things no other one knows about, but you know you will be dumb for remember Job take me to your scalars and I will prove to be a fool; for you are what I want you to be.
(Mel) Way not destroy all the bad?
(God) For I give them a chance.
(Mel) For I know why you do not destroy Satan.
(God) For if there was no hell then people would never be good for death and hell is one thing that makes people be bad; and death and heaven is one thing that makes people be good and if some were not afraid of going to hell then they would be bad.
(Mel) For do I really need Larry; for what we have planed.
(God) No but tell the people what it was so they know; and you have your bodyguard.
[p9-b2] (Mel) What about trusting people?
(God) You know them better than any but you do have to trust some and you know what Jesus went through and what happened to him and you know that one he trusted for a will what he did for he turned him in.
(God) He will destroy any one who looks like they are going to harm you thy son; there were not many back in Jesus day like you and the ones you can get, remember you are like David who went up against Goliath.
(Mel) Will there be happiness for thy son's?
(God) More than you probably will have.
(Mel) Will I have to wear red?
(God) Only time will tell.
(Mel) Does the young turn to an adult at 12?
(God) Yes so they can pay for what ever they do and if get married then it is for life not just for a will.
(Mel) Does every man have the right to two wives?
(God) Yes.
(Mel) Were you with Jesus when he died on the cross?
(God) Yes.
[p10-b2] (Mel) Were you with Jesus when he arose?
(God) No for then Jesus was on his own, though I was with him some times.
(Mel) Why do I pay for the sins of the world; I would rather go to hell for my sins, than to let them get away free.
(God) Jesus paid for the sins of man so not all are forgiven, and the sins of the world mean Gov. and what they done so I just giving them a chance.
(Mel) What about nudist camps and nudity?
(God) I do not like them No. A lot you know how wrong it was for some places are good enough to do it but I do not like the young seeing the old bare skin for man and wives should be the only one to see bare flesh.
(Mel) What about my hair?
(God) Let it grow long for you know what we talked about and if people cannot accept you for whom and what you are then piss on them.
[p11-b2] (Mel) What if some one deliberately hurts one of thy family?
(God) Then kill them for they are not worth the flesh that makes them.
(Mel) Way did I have to learn the hard way?
(God) That way you will make sure it doesn't happen again.
(Mel) Why did you harden my heart?
(God) So you can do the things that need to be done and remember it is the only way that you will like what I do for you.
[xxx] (God) Heed all thy warnings thy son.
(Mel) Does life depend on me?
(God) Let it happen again to thy son and it will be a long time before I let my self be known again and I decide on what will happen.
(Mel) Is every thing you told me about Jesus and what he thought about and talked to you about true?
(God) Yes and maybe some day you can ask Jesus your self.
[xxx] (Mel) Can Satan enter my body?
[xxx] (God) No; I am the only thing that can enter your body thy son.
(Mel) Is there any spirits older than Adam?
[p12-b2] God - No any thing older than Adam is angels or demons.
(God) Man shall not wear women close or make up.
(Mel) Why take every thing out on me they are the ones that are doing wrong?
(God) For until it is over; that is the way it goes,
(Mel) Every time some one pisses you off I go through hell.
(God) You are the only man in the world that people are going to have to please; (you and stay with no matter what you do) for to leave you mean they go to hell and not to obey you means the same thing.
For there are those here that have been to other places say that all they do is give drugs with out knowing what is wrong or care why.
If they would check every body they would find out that every bodies brain chemicals are not the some; so brain chemicals is not a good way to find out about some one for all brains are different and work different.
[p13-b2] Then there was the time your boys telling you what they went through and we said that it was not your fault but their mother for she is the one that kick you out.
Then there was the time when they were going to let you more in and it did not happen.
Then there are two boys who love you thy son so do not for get them.
For there is so much thy son that you will remember and no one will admit to.
2/22/87 [x] (Mel) For why shouldn't I treat the people like they treat me?
(God) That is up to you I am not going to make you treat people good even though they have treated you bad.
[x] For there was the time when we said that we would eat poison Mushrooms if some one else would for no one took us up or has enough fate in god to even try.
[x] For we caught the last part of a service today and eat Jesus flesh and drink his blood so they do keep traditions so help them thy son for so many have gone astray.
For we prayed for the world today on a alter and [p14-b2]
our prayer was; Let us hope they listen and understand and not let it happen again amen.
For thy son and I ate flesh and blood to let the priest know that no matter what we believe in Jesus.
For we got a kit to put together of a truck and we gave it to a young bay; for we have given all kits that we got from here away for we give it to those who will enjoy and who will remember us; for some one who has nothing and gave things away for one who cared not about things but gave things to others even things that could be worth some thing but a lot did not keep what we gave then their loss.
(God) Jesus had no family so he cared not about things and tried to let people know that things did not mean nothing to life it self but things do help the (your) young as long as you do not get carried away. But Mel has young but what Mel gets is not his young really; but they just take care of it.
(God) Thy son Mel can get all the land and houses he wants through out his life that way Christ after him will have places for there families and get a place they can do things at but [p15-b2] once a year they all meet at the house of Christ at Easter and Christ do not go to school they learn by the way thy son sets things up; So show thy son love with out wanting something from him.
For today we did not go to bible study so the priest should know that we do not care if we listen or speak to them for let him know what it was about.
2/23/87 [x] (Mel) when will I finely be happy
[x] (God) When I leave you; you will be happy but you still are not going to like what I did.
[x] (Mel) How do I tell people that what happen was so bad that thy father had to torture me just so I will be glad when it was over so what did it gain.
[x] (God) They don't know you any more and you will just have to wait and see.
Then there was the time when Vick hurt her back and wanted thy son to come to her and [p16-b2] I had thy son say; you know what it feels like, she said I did not need that and I had thy son say I did not need what you done to me either.
[x] Then there was the time I took thy son over and talked to his boys on the phone so they have talked to god and one thing I said to Melvin is that Vick said once that she believed in thy father and she might get her chance to prove it; for there is so much that I have had thy son say and talk to people and he and them did not know it was god making him say it for all they seen was the person.
(God) [x] For I have been in thy son every sense Aug. 5,1981 and have controlled thy son and stopped him from doing things except for what I wanted him to do.
Then there was the time I had you look into a looking glass and Vick told you your eyes moved it pissed you off and you said I owe you one for that and she heard you but did not know who you were talking to; that is one of the ways [p17-b2] that I tricked you because no one was around; that is Vick seen you burning wood and you said it was to represent Jesus ashes and she said "it was god ashes" and you were going to spread them all around and told her that ever thing in the house was valuable and now we have none of it.
And then there was when you sold the skidder and all they could think about is how much you got for it.
Then they should have known that you would have left if some thing were not making you stay.
Then there was the time when Vick tried to get you to give her the skier for the pickup and we already had the pickup but not the title to it and she still has it; And it was then that you said that you would give her 2 to 4 thousand if she gave you the title to the truck and she said No; and the court all ready gave you the truck but I made you say that she would have to write you a receipt for child support.
Then there was the time when the court or lawyers did not let you know when you was suppose to go to court for your divorce.
[p18-b2] (God) [x] I cannot have thy son pay for the sins of people for I want them to worry for they need to pay for what they done.
[x] (Mel) For will I get the ark of God?
(God) In time we will talk about it.
(Mel) Did the bridge of the gods really exist?
(God) Yes.
(Mel) Did the distraction we talked about you really do?
(God) Yes.
(Mel) What about the melt down in Russia?
(God) No.
(Mel) What about Aids?
(God) You know I said every sense I've been here its hit the U.S. harder but they brought it up on them selves and now it's all over the world.
(Mel) What about sex?
(God) Sex and love go together but lust is not love, you can love some one before you make sex, but you can't lust some one before sex because lust is sex. And love that [p19-b2] don't last a lifetime is lust for in the old days women were tough, that was long ago.
(Mel) How god can I even try and love some one who has tried to destroy me and did nothing to help when I needed help?
(God) It is for you to decide thy son but remember if you do it then I expect all Gov. to do the same.
(Mel) Do you have love of mate in heaven?
(God) Yes.
(Mel) Is what you said true about I'm going to be in heaven?
(God) Yes Jesus is my right hand and you are going to be in charge of my Angels that I have to fight and guard heaven; my army of angels so you are under Jesus.
(Mel) What about your left hand?
(God) It is for those who go against god in heaven and a lot is for you to carry out, meaning even if you go against me in heaven I myself take care of you.
[x] (Mel) Satan get kicked out of heaven?
[x] (God) Yes; and it means that not even heaven is guaranteed you can be in [p20-b2] heaven and do some thing wrong and get kicked out.
(Mel) Is the house my main function?
(God) Yes; and peace world wide in time not for you really to talk.
(2/24/1987) (Mel) How will I know my own mind and thoughts?
(God) We have talked it before; for you know you are not going to be like you used to be but you have to except what you are.
(Mel) I fell for every one we talk with and get interested there are ten that do not believe or not interested.
(God) Yes in time all will believe though thy son for some thing has happened to you no body knows is possible or would happen.
(Mel) I do not cure people.
(God) Only if I send you or some day allow it.
(Mel) Beauty is not only what you see but also what is in side a person to.
(God) Beauty is only what you think Beauty is; God only sees heaven as beautiful.
[p21-b2] For we let two women students nurses read what we have in this book and they read all of it and they both believe that there is some thing special about thy son and lit one man read and he only read a little and he is a man believer for all he is interested in is him self.
(God) It is a rotten feeling to see your young with some one else and the one you love with some one else and only time stops the hurt that you feel but it is easier if you have some one to love and love you back; So that is all it takes for man to have two wives is that he has too love them the same and then the women can handle it.
[x] (God) the old people I have figured out what I am going to do and I know which ones going to heaven and which one are not so with this thy son you know that all are not going to be saved.
[x] (God) Thy son sure feels like he is being used and he can not stop it for it's been so long sense it sees you going to but he has been on his own and he knows I can be in him with out him knowing it; damn he is going to wonder more than any man alive.
[p22-b2] For we like people like Navy Mothers Club #684 Port Angeles, WA. who sponsor and give things to help Vets and others for we have seen good from groups sense we been here.
2/25/1987 For we had one say that women brought it up on them self because he does not want to live with one they can spend the night but don't stay and they all bitched and it is some thing that built up through his life.
For they put a label and there is nothing wrong with him so how many others have they done this to and how many use it just for a excuse but it is so easy because of the way they do things; for a man to be different is what they went against thy son.
For why don't they believe and why do they say that I have a diseases for there is nothing wrong with me and they are stopping my way of life; my life of being free and that I have to be like them; Way can't they be like me; for we talked to the doc. and explained how he was set up.
2/26/1987 For we find some that know where Benton Harbor is. For all that all that want to know Michigan. So thy son has let him self be known.
[p23-b2] For now I have showed thy son how he can do what he wanted for he know how to do a movement by the people he knows just by what he already has and if had a lot of backers he could make it but it would take a long time.
For the Gov. is going to pay our way back to Stevenson WA.
For we asked this place to make a study on us and we let them know how to do it but did not say much for they really were not interested for they already had their mind made up about what was wrong even though we got a good report.
So we leave tomorrow so they did not lie and keep us longer so they were people of their word and have done a lot and went out of their way to help but they still thought we were like the others.
[x] For we talked to one who's dreams are of ahead; but a quick and giant leap can have man kind miss something; So God has to be known so people know that there is something that is Greater.
For the one we talked to is a writer and is trying to make a book if he only know what I was seeing will we were talking and the things that were being discussed and the things that were forgot right afterwards.
[p24-b2] 2/27/1987 Chapland Jim Sombing from V.A. a lake hosp. for we wait till the time to leave for thy son is tired of waiting.
For we cannot smoke on a bus because of law we would like to see the law changed but it is hard to write in a moving bus.
We have a 3hr. lay over in Portland got here about 2:15 left 10:13 for Fort Lewis because of the Vet card that means thy son can go to any Vet hosp. and get help if he needed it so he would not have to use his or any one else money to fix him it took six year for him to get what he was looking for and that is help when he needed the hip operation and no one stood by him all the time for I had thy son say once that he would get rid of every thing to survive till he found out something's; to bad he never had any help through all this; And found out Vets have been and look like would help thy son more then any. We were told of a none Vet related pension and other things we might check in to; What was afraid of medical expenses is one of them the Vets are taken care of it and we did not have to do what we did to get a card but because [p25-b2] of it; it makes Mel more disabled on paper; for just what Mel has been through would break a man down and he never would have been through it if it were not for me; for Mel could have figured things out and found a way a long time ago how to do things and retire and use it to his benefit for he is not a quitter; to go through all this just to find help.
For we made it back to cascade locks and have not made it a cross the river yet but have some one the way; we ran out of black and is using red ink because the rest of our pins are put away for now for the bus ride was good I let thy son hold a women's hand while we talked and it helped her.
For the VA did not want to pay for our bill so the town should pay the bill for they are the ones that sent us away and the state is responsible for us going to the VA to.
For one way to make a man appreciate a town is make him glad to be back and except the people the way they are but as far as I care is they all can go to hell.
[p26-b2] For there are some that do not know all or all they know is lies or people did not talk for it is easy to fool some one if they can not read your mind the information that was lost again because people did not believe.
For the good ones know who they are and they are the ones that have not sinned so every body has sinned so every body has to work their way to heaven by not sinning any more and doing good to toward others and stop lying.
[x] For a lot of the young are glad to see us back and some of the old who respect us more each time some thing happens and we do not stop.
[x] (Mel) How long are we going to let them get away with it?
[x] (God) Till I'm done for I know how hard it is when you don't see no end in sight.
[x] (Mel) The spirits have to be wanting to know when are we going to get our revenge.
[x] (God) yes; as soon as I let you be known then they get there revenge.
[p27-b2] [x] Mel; I know you are mean and nasty when you want to be but no one is going to believe it because you have done nothing to them.
[x] (God) true but they do know that you are suppose to fear God and remember you are some thing they are not and you have a place in heaven all ready and they do not and you are going to be around me and they are not.
[xxx] (God) For thy son for one asked today if you know you made a mistake isn't it better to ask for forgiveness and get it all out; but how do you know what kind of hell some one might of have gone through if you were the person it happened to; especially if you know or thought what you were doing was wrong. So how does God pay back a man because I am the only one who can know what thy son Jesus and Mel felt like for I was with them both will I put them both through hell with being there and thy son Mel knows what Jesus felt like and how he [p28-b2] thought about things; And Mel agrees that had to be a better man than he is; to walk to death with out putting up a fight; with out being controlled; so just think what he will do if this world destroys God's other son and God tell Jesus to send down all the angels down and destroy all the bad no matter what they have done and thy son Mel is in charge of the angels when he gets there and if you destroy him he is going to be pissed off; so destroy him please for that is one way to clean up this world and it will always be known for it; would be always be known as a time in great civilization got wiped off and the books and records about a man saying that he is the son of God died twice for some thing that God making him do.
[*] (God) How can I do any thing if this goes on [p29-b2] forever so thy son Mel knows what hell is like but hell has no stop for a spirit is torture till the end of time and time does not end.
[x] For I do not know why I keep going on for there has to be a reason for it but I do not really know why for any thing is more of an excuse than a reason; an excuse covers up some thing that happens and a reason justify it.
[x] For remember the words thy son I am the beginning and the end; it means that I started every thing and I can stop ever thing.
(Mel) Why take it out on a man some thing that only God can [p30-b2] live through; does that make the man God to even though he had Gods help for I know the truth between man and God for man can only be some thing of God because God would never give a man all the power that God has the same that God would not give Satan equal power.
[x] (God) Only you will take the war of the spirits; serous it really is a never-ending war. I told you thy son that I only play one game life and death and a war that never ends is just that; and remember thy son you play my game now.
[x] (God) any thing that I do I can make happen the way that I want but why should I go around making man do what I want when I would rather teach them and punish them for doing wrong for no one gets away with any thing.
(Mel) for who am I who wants to question God; is it because I the one it is happening to for I have never liked to be told what to do and to do things with out judgment for just to do what I am told makes it no chose and to question God makes it wrong [p31-b2] so not to question God means that I have to believe in God more than any one else because if I believe in it then I do what ever it takes to get the job done.
[x] For the man made Betty and others do it just because they work for him is some thing thy son really needs to know and if he threaten there job if they didn't help him means thy son has to be just on men as woman and thy son knows people think more about the dollar because with out the dollar they would be nothing.
For you know thy son you can't buy respect and with out respect you are nothing for you know that if you took Ken's dollars away he would not have nothing and no body would really like him for the one's that like him now only does it because he has some thing so you still are a better man than him.
Remember thy son what I told you no matter what happens walk with your head up; except to look at the grown.
[p32-b2] For we set here and now thy son knows that people think he will not have to work the rest of his life and thy son knows it but there people have no ideal how much thy son is going to have and how powerful of a man he is going to be with the right kind of backing these people would be in trouble for thy son found and knows how to get things done.
So it sounds like Vick is only interested in what Mel might get inside of him.
[x] To bank your life on some thing and not know for sure if it is going to happen and you have no control at all about what is happen or going on.
For it took Job a long time to get over his scorn because of what he went through and it is no were the torturer that thy son went through and nothing comes pared to what thy son faces for if you read the writings of Job you can see how Job felt and the way he felt about God and God was the one who would not let him die and then saved his life by getting ever thing for him so just because you have [p33-b2] ever thing does not mean you will not hate for a will for thy son knows the torture has not stopped on him yet and no matter what it is hell knowing that some thing is with in that you can not stop it from torturing you; and you can not stop it from controlling your life by now there is nothing up on this earth that can make up for what both thy son been through and one will be glad just to get read of God because God has done him wrong and in his eyes so has just around him for no body believes him and the hell he goes through just because of it.
For there has been a long time building up damn you God for I hate you because of what you are doing to me and if you aren't God then I hate you and God for letting this happen to me this is how Job felt to.
For the brain has been so much in torture that there is nothing good any more for they think they are right how do you tell some one I'm sorry for not caring about you for Lowell [p34-b2] said it today that people thought some thing was funny but now they don't think so and people did not really care till they found out that thy son was getting an inheritance where he will not have to work ever again and he set up for life; for why should thy son care what kind of hell people go through for there is really none that really thy son goes through for it is not them and a lot do not even care or believe in God so they don't give a damn and some does not believe that God is even going to let him self be known.
For Some were in time is all thy son can dream about some were in time in a place that is different from this place for then it is time for God him self to make it up to the son but only when he gets to his kingdom.
For Ken made fun of a the cloth and saying this is not the place for them but why [p35-b2] not for there people to and it would a better world and people if all were more like thy son and believe like him for thy son believes and knows that my way is best but he does not know if it was worth it just so he could let it be known and the hell has not been fun.
For will we were gone just about every one we ran into was looking for love or was getting a divorce or separated or having trouble for if love has not last then it is not love and you do not try love for lust is some thing that just last a short time and to try love means you do not even care about it for it takes love to receive love.
For there is a voce change and thy son knows it but no one else can tell.
For the crown of thorns is what they placed up on Jesus head so it makes it the most treasured crown there is because the son of God wore it to his death.
For women do not know what pain is until they live Jesus life or been through what Jobe, Mel and a lot of others of the old went through.
[p36-b2] (Mel) For why forsake me for there are a lot worse than I for why do I get tortured and they go free and no body can ever tell me a reason; for a reason is an excuse; for having to be but it does not always justify it.
[x] (God) For there is nothing to tell you that I haven't all ready said to you all I can say is show them if you have to what hate can do and they will see at first what a man is like that walked through hell alone.
(God) For I told one today when I write I talk not only by mouth but also by pin to.
For is there so much lies going around that no body knows what to believe.
(God) What I did to the bible that we have is what I did to a bible at the park but it was bigger and different and lot more was out lined in it and had a hole lot more written in it and some were there could have been the answers that thy son might be looking for [p37-b2] and no one ever seen it and there was a lot of changes.
How do you make a chose to walk through hell alone with out some one to love is hell it self but if you really love; you would not ask any body to walk with you the things that I have to figure out on my own for no one can answer me if love is strong enough to over come any thing like hell.
If love is so strong then what went wrong all I can figure is they did not care about love it had to be killing Jesus with in if he was the only one that know and felt love.
For it is hard to tell your enemies if they are nice to you but when you turned your back then they do it to you and the young is pin pointing Betty as one of thy son's enemies and Kin, Glen, Mark, Tom, Sally, Van, Jessel, Walt and the list can keep on going; for he has not trusted in people for he is not even sure if he can trust a friend. It sure makes hard when you can not trusty the ones that are nice for the son of God has more to worry and think about than any for he knows that there is no one close like him.
[p38-b2] [x] (Mel) For I can't even put my trust in you thy father for I really don't know what to expect so what is this for I have to trust some thing that has thought me not to trust it I sure hope that I can figure out what is written and it does not get destroyed for I know that is what some of it was to help me figure some things out and answers to some of my questions but I have them no more; Why God you teach me not to trust you knowing I have to; but once I learn not to trust then that is it why make me do things that is agents what makes me; me.
[x] (God) There is no answers so it is better if I did not try for God is God and that is the best way to say it for I do not explain ever thing I do.
[x] (Mel) For I have walked for so long knowing you were in me and controlling me with no end in site; Damn there is some thing about heaven that is not known I know that it is better than hell but some things is bothering me about it what is wrong with me God what has happened to me [p39-b2] is it that I am one of a kind and I would rather be destroyed is it because I do not know what love is any more; is it because I do not like the responsibility or is it because I have had no chose about it; or is it because of what has happened to me.
[x] (God) For do not worry about it thy son for if you can get kicked out of heaven that means there is chose up there to and there is laws; there is so much that you don't know and will not know until you get there.
[x] (God) For thy son knows what it feels like to be used for I have used him.
For we are letting any body read what we are writing that wants to in hope more will know what is going on and may be they will talk when it is known.
[x] (Mel) For I want to be free and what good is freedom after you destroyed my life.
[x] (God) For that is what is wrong every body wants to be free to do what ever they like and don't care what they destroy as long as they are happy; for that is one of the ways of the wicked for they only care about them self's and as long [p40-b2] as they are happy they are satisfied but when things go wrong they got to find some one or some thing else to make them happy.
[x] (God) You will be the freest person alive thy son but true freedom no one can have for you always have to live by laws.
[x] (Mel) What good is freedom with out love?
(God) None; peace and love go together and with it comes freedom; remember hell has no freedom and heaven does because of peace and love.
[x] (God) For those who think that they can believe the way they want; "can believe because of what they do they will not go to hell" but when they get to hell they find out how wrong they are.
There is nothing wrong with fur trading but if a animal gets scarce in a area then stop trapping in that area and let them grow back or bring some in from were they are plentiful.
[x] For I do not blame Debbie for turning the writings over to Betty for Debbie we told that [p41-b2] Betty was supposed to collect all the writings.
For all thy son knows is no matter were he is at it still is hell for he has no one to love for he fills that some would like to but do not know why they do not show it and knows that some care but do not believe in what he says.
For one thing that was written to Betty is that can't you see that we are killing him and it just got worse.
For if they do not believe thy son you know what must be done damn I hope the fools understand what they can do and what will happen.
[x] (Mel) How much time should I give them for you though me to even go through hell and wait; but tell me not to let it happen with out a fight when do I decide for I know what I look for I may not see her on earth and I had dreams that it would be one way but you have shown me it will not be that way how do I tell those around me that not to be afraid for even if [p42-b2] you lose your life you will go to heaven but is it me or heaven.
[x] (God) Remember thy son they can go to heaven with out being near you so believe when thy son I love you or we do not care what happens to us as long as we help you.
[x] (Mel) If things go bad or wrong I'll do what ever I can to make sure that my young are safe and if I lose my life knowing about it ahead of time I will not let them be there.
[x] (God) And then I take over and make sure they are safe till you get done with what you have to do.
[x] For we told some to day that we made a deal with Satan or words were if you don't believe that I am God then you can say that I made the deal with Satan and we let one read what it was and others heard us.
[x] (God) I know thy son the poem "The Last Crusader" is you and you are going to wonder about it all but do not send them away thinking you are helping them; All I can [p43-b2] tell you thy son is try and stay with them for no one can understand you ever again and just because they do not understand you do not get mad for things that they talk about will mean nothing to you and things that mean some thing to them may not mean any thing to you.
(March 1, 1987) There are some that have just bought the bar in town that know nothing about what is going on.
(God) For how can a man play god if he hates to much he destroys to much and if he loves to much he gets destroyed but it is one thing you have to do son for I told you it is a hard place that I put you and there is no way you can get a way from it "for I once was were you are at and you will be were I am" means I wanted to destroy everything to for I did not care and you know that no matter what you are going to heaven for you know more than any that if you have been tricked in to this God will let you in to heaven so you can get back at me for it would mean [p44-b2] that revelation is on the way it was written but you would be talking God all the time even though you do not believe the way they do remember thy son I said that I was going to let you be known and then watch all the fun Jesus and I from heaven because I know you and what you are going to do for I told people today that you know how to start a underground movement and you all ready know the people to start it so use it if you have to and if things do not get published so every body knows what all is written or if you try and let something be known and they stop it from going out.
[x] (God) There is no way to neutralize atomic waist so use the sun.
[x] (God) High-pressure gold mining if gold means so much then the Gov. spend some bucks and replant areas and if have to fix it so it does not hurt the water ways for it would put some to work or use your [p45-b2] army to do it.
For life is worth it thy son or I would not have implanted so much in you so you know that I told one that I have done so much to you and have ran the thoughts about self destruct but would not let his body read to it so if he thinks about it that is all it is, is just thoughts.
For I just keep pushing him on for he knows there is no stop he has to keep on going and there is no way that he can go back to a time when it was better so all he can do is go forward for all that we guarantee is that some how some way this is going to be a better world for the young.
For to look at the old writings of the old and be taught that history is repeating itself and that all you read has a meaning about this town and the rest is happening some were else.
For the best thing this place thy son is for you to leave and let them live there lives for force none to move with you let them make up there own minds [p46-b2] for they really do not know what you know for since we was sent away you know that there are others who are waiting for one brave enough to tell the hole world to go to hell and this is the way it has to be and they will do anything for remember the Vet's. a army agents the U.S. Gov. to protect the chosen ones if me and you get to go to war; Do not trust the Gov. thy son be on guard for it is you they will be afraid of others they can control but you they can not; You know what happens thy son if any Gov. takes out on you for what I myself will come down and take care of it once in for all.
[x] (Mel) For I know I'm in trouble and there is no one to talk to that can understand for you have had me walk alone for so long.
[x] (God) Would it been easer thy son if others seen all the hell you went through for it would have been hell just to watch you and not be able to do anything about it; so Jobs wife could not stand to see what was happening to Job; [p47-b2] so she left and Mary could not stand it when Jesus got put on the cross and it was hard on her because of all he went through.
(Nov. 2) For it is a never ending thought for it would be so much better if there was some one that could love me for what I am a mate that could walk with me but I do know what I would do if they would destroy my mate and young for I could not love them any more and I would use every thing that I could to make sure that I got reed of the bad; So God you know I'm going to wonder if I should even take them with me every were for I know I am hardened but to see one of them die at some one else's hands just might do it and I know the Pope has had 3 attempts up on his life and he is a man that has done nothing but talk about peace and love with out the power to destroy that makes me wonder why hold it back if you can do it for why go to deft and not use it or is it some thing between me and you just to prove that I am capable of the job I have after I die.
[p48-b2] [x] (God) Remember thy son you are what you are; you have to do what you have to do but the only power to show them is the power of thy name and you are right the other powers do not show them unless I tell you to.
(God) The moves about the Bible I do not like for they do not always tell the truth and it feeds false ideals to the young for how can you make up a story about some thing that you know nothing about.
[x] For Jobs wife and Mary could not stand what they were going through because it was to hard for them and they could not take it so one left and the other stop trying to convince people because of the ridicule but the man had to go through it no matter what so there is two cases were the man was forced through some thing and woman was not.
Mary went through ridicule by the priest because she tried to tell them of Jesus berth.
Remember thy son because of eaten off the tree they know of good and evil for they have knowledge like us so thy son you [p49-b2] have the answers in what is written.
For they make fun of what I have put you through thy son remember thy son there was the towns that turned Jesus away; and made fun of Jesus even when he was on the cross.
For there has been one who said he was a catholic and then he became a false witness so he is not shit.
For always remember thy son I can always do anything of the old again.
For our reason we destroyed the writings is because the people would use it agents us and we proved it for when we gave some out they used it agents us so we proved our point and now you know why Jesus did not write and Eliza wrote the massages in there hart.
For time has been long and not easy there is no way to make up for what you been through what is life if a few years, even a 100 years, is nothing compared to eternity thy son.
[x] (God) Love is better then hate thy son try and understand what it was like for Jesus.
[p50-b2] For once again the way of the whore has fascinated women and they like having men do things for them with out having to do anything but flounder there ass; for a lot of men look for some thing there is no more; true love; For they have lost there way they think that the way that they chose is right instead of the way it is suppose to be.
The export tax on stuff coming in to the USA should be taken and given back to the countries and feed and take care of the poor to help others.
For time has been so long that you have forgotten what you wanted to kill about; you just know that then is some thing that should have been done at the time thy son so I can not stop you from being mad but do not kill unless it happens again.
For thy son has found out that the young men and those who want to believe in him have keep the writings but the women did not and men turned thy son in and other men tried to make it as hard as [p51-b2] they can on thy son and prove something wrong with him and so did women thy son you are destroying the ways and belief's of there's for remember thy son you are not the only one who will take there cause to death so beware there cause's is wrong and they will kill for it the same as you if you have to remember thy son they are stupid so wait and no matter what happens in time they will bring it up on themselves remember thy son you are in my world now.
For I hear the cry of the Vets so if you hear thy son cry for help come to his aid for help protect a man that really is not in this world any more for he is here to help but does not belong any more no one will ever know thy son the hell it is on you just to be here for remember thy son [p52-b2] the lines for I am here but I do not belong for I am of another place now I belong with thy father but I am stuck here.
For I am here but I do not belong so how must I travel in wonderment; to be here and wanting to be there.
For to be made to walk the line and fell that people do not care about you but wish you would stop for fear of being known and that they really did not anything to help but just set back and wait for something to happen one way or the other for what all does some one have to go through and not change has ways or what he is saying for not to fear what they can do to him and he does not change is people so blinded and lie so much that they can not see what is going on and if there are so many crazy on this earth so you can not tell them it is time to wipe them out and what do I have to do say kill a liar to stop people from lying especially a lie that will destroy some one.
[p53-b2] [x] No matter how we write it Jesus walked a hard life and it was not easy for him and he did not talk peace and love all that much for if all he seen was sin then he talked the law and if they believed so much in the old writings and law then they would known that they were doing wrong.
There is a time that I will do you good for remember I told one that it has and will be so bad on you that it will be a relief just for me to leave.
For one knows what thy son seeks but does not do any thing to show him that she seeks the same thing and has said that she does want to pay for his habits but she has no ideal of the trouble that faces thy son.
[x] (God) for remember thy son I said that you would take off were Jesus lift off for Jesus wanted to know to why just him and there was things written about the way the people were but it got destroyed so lets try and think of the good that will come out of this; for each day that passes it looks like some thing is going to go wrong for [p54-b2] you see that I'm trying to tell people something in the writings alone it talks of trouble; that I really do not want to see for how many will have to die if it happens; how many will suffer because of others, how will they understand for I am the one who knows what will happen if it goes wrong, for if they can not take a warning then it is not our fault and to let you know thy son Satan will not do anything to you.
For it is not right to have people afraid of you thy son so when you walk think that they love you and I do not want people to be afraid of you I want them to be afraid of me for I am the one who can bring the end. (for this has been changed)
This makes the hardest thing for you to have to go the way that you have to for so long have you been here and have not ventured out much to having people flocking just to be in your presence and you never liked big crowds.
For you never know any one unless you live with them [p55-b2] a hole lifetime and if he is smart or brilliant or a dreamer he is always changing for his mind and thoughts change with what is happening and ideals feed other ideals and dreams change to re-al-a-tee or other dreams that turn to ideals or in to philosophies; so how can you know this type persons mind but if he is good then you are stupid for not trying to understand that he is not like the rest for that is were the grate ones come from even if they do not make fame or riches for in there goodness and right way of life they help others and to help others does not mean that you have to be smart or idealist or a dreamer.
For in the hart thy son might be were you find some of your answers but do not let the hart control you for you went through hell alone because a woman said don't you think I can change so then this world better believe that God can do and be anything that I want and the woman wanted to find out if she could love someone else these thoughts are always going to be with you thy [p56-b2] son so you know what I allow you to do for even I would have destroyed if Jesus would have told me that he wanted to find out if he could love Satan and wanted to find out but I would not have taken him back either.
[x] For the meanings mean something to thy son for I care more about him than anyone else for has life means something to me.
Wisdom is different from being smart; You can be smart but not have wisdom, but you can have wisdom and not be smart for wisdom is party of reasoning and smart is knowledge but if you have both then you have something that most do not have and it makes you different and you thy son have both there are a lot that are smarter but they do not have the wisdom that you have or have the smarts that you have.
[x] (God) Some women think they are something just because they work but they are not shit unless they know God and there is only one man that knows God at this time.
[p57-b2] Hold the old writings for they are what I wanted to be; for they ventured away from them thy son and it is up to us to bring them back; for I have placed a lot on this there is a lot that they will not understand they won't understand why we say that your life is at stake for those who care will not understand it; [stop] for all they will see is good and they can be deceived for all they know is the person and not they have in mind to do.
This is the last time that I should have to let my meanings be known for I bring them all together and let it be known for it has not been fun for you.
For time is all you can look forward to.
For thy son has not been aloud to do things of the flesh for he has not been aloud to have his own feelings of the flesh all he knows is that he hates what has happened to him so he knows more about hate than anyone and he knows what it is like not to get back for so many have taken
[p58-b2] something out on him but all have not.
A promise that you do not keep becomes a lie.
A lie can destroy love and trust.
How long is this thing going to impose itself upon me; to be locked in this person with no escape; no way t6o get out and no one to get in to help but who can fight this thing that is within for if no one can see it they can not fight it if no one can hear it then no one can find it if no one believes it then I am doomed for what is happening to me goes agents every that I know and have learned and I can't find anything to let me know it is possible the way it is happing for others talk things that let me know that it can happen but it comes no ware close to what is going on with me.
For to wonder what thy son is writing but not come to him and let him know that they care or is it that they are afraid of what it is about and to try and make thy son think of someone else he does not care about [p59-b2] any more how dumb can people be if some one left them with nothing they would fell the same way and just leaving things don't mean anything to someone then it shows that the person cares for life and not things.
For a woman said that you can not by love but a woman has showed us that she can not love someone who has nothing but waits for something to happen so she does not have to worry or does not have to suffer for what do they have to loose if all they do is wait and enjoy things will someone else suffers.
For we gave one plenty of chances and let it be known what we were looking for and let another know but non could meet our standers or even try people do not look for God like they did in the old for do they think that they are so [p60-b2] smart that they do not need God; do they think that they already know God so they do not have to listen anymore.
For thy son there's women who have been nice to him and has shown him that she does care and even after what he has tried to let her know she still shows interest in him so she had not tried to make they son do anything and had not tried top stop him from what he is doing; has tried things to make thy son more interested or to make thy son disinterested it is hard to tell if they do not speak the truth and say what is on there mind for one time she did say one thing to let thy son know whit way she was doing it.
God wants to know how can I tell thy son that things are a certain way.
For we talk to one from across the river named Dale Hudins one who has the right to come and talk to thy son for he wants to help people thy son and is looking for answers and has a head on him thy son and we let him [p61-b2] know what was going on some for we told him that this was going to be called The Book of Mel for he was interested enough to ask what the book was about so slowly we spread the word but have not said all if people would have talked and tried to believe then it would be known.
Why do they condemn thy son knowing that some thing is making him do it and he is telling them so; so why do I make him hold back; why does God let them mess with him the God I Know destroys and is mean so why does he wait and not show me he is the God that I know and why has he just talking it out on me to make it were I don't care about him or what is going to happen that is all he has done; for people to be happy will I wonder why is not right; for I go through hell with out a chose and no one can help; some do things for me but they can not stop what is happening to me I have found no one who can get rid of this thing and no one even tries and I have asked.
[p62-b2] We can not name all the good ones from this town some as we will name all the bad ones just let them live there lives and do not destroy the town thy son only in meaning for they still have to have a place to live but you do not have to help them; for those who only care about you and what you are doing will be willing to do things for you thy son and not all knows about what has happened to you thy son and some think that it is just life and that you do not know how to handle it like the rest and them there are those who spread false statements like they have been through it and even worse.
For all I can say thy son is trying and be happy for you watched every thing that you cared about get destroyed and you seen love turn to hate you seen families brake up and you seen how it effected the one involved an others around there are to many that get divorced for they are not right thy son for it is making a mess out of heaven [p63-b2] that is the ones that get there.
All hell is going to brake loose when it is over thy son for think if for in the old even with the word of what I was and could do others did not give up there false Gods but things are some what different now for what Jesus did and the way the word got spread there are a lot more that believe at least in God and Jesus but not all do thy son for be ware thy son there is a lot I can say but it does no good if you do not listen.
So you are sick of righting detail about what has happened has lost its meaning to you but it still is in the mind that it was wrong and God is going to forgive them but they have to prove themselves worthy to enter heaven.
[x] I set here an listen how some say they are not forgiving and yet when the time comes they want God to be; why should God be forgiving so much to make those to walk in my way and laws to get to heaven and others not is wrong for there is not a place to work [p64-b2] your way to heaven except earth.
For if you let someone else brake up a family with in a family then some thing is wrong for if false witness is used then there is some thing wrong with the person especially when they destroy love and family; what do I have to do say every body get married at 12yr. so they learn to love a mate more than parents, that way the young do not spend so much time with parents or is it because of all the bad ones have finely bread with the good and maybe then bad or is the way of the bad look better and easier.
For to look at the way things are and see how they are going and what effects they have and no body listen but some straiten up for to save one is worth it but if all others go bad then it is no good it make God unhappy for it is a unbalance but I started with unbalance took a few and made it big over the years but they still are not right for there are two many [p65-b2] who have there back turned to me up on this world two many use thy name with false pretences and it does no good to talk God unless you really believe in God.
[*] For one man believes more than any no matter what it is in inside for he has entered another world one that he knows that does exist for the proof has come to him and for all those who do channeling why don't they believe for they know of another world to and can not say that God does not exist so it makes they son the one who has more knowledge than any and the one who really cares for to prove to him that one exist means so does the other.
Why does every body wait do they think that I am going to seek them out when it is over do they think that I'm going to make there life better will they did not help me through hell for I see others who got help from others who are involved with the unknown but I got non really.
For to say you love and then [p66-b2] leave just because you are not having fun or to go out and have fun show no love for love is not suppose to be fun.
God: [x] For Jesus loved but did not have much fun and his love lasted through all he went through but his love was for God, and God put him through something more than any and he never wonted to leave God's way or side.
God: [x] For not all men are men among men; for not all men care; for not all men are right.
[x] For it takes a better man to admit that he was wrong and it takes a better man to swallow his pride when he is wrong for pride can destroy and if two are hang-up on pride then they both should admit that they are wrong and work it out for the better of others and for what good can come out of it.
There is more to learn for [p67-b2] you can never know every thing and you can only get so smart unless you just learn one thing and one thing only but then you are nothing for then you have to depend on others to survive; for it does not hurt to have a job and specialize in it for that well help out in space but never forget that God does exist and his laws; for were ever you go it has to be known.
[x] Mel: you do not let me live for way does it mean so much to keep me this way what can it do but make me hate for I have gone along for so long and nothing good has happened it just keeps going wrong with me for I wait for something better and it does not come; something tells me of betters things but I do not find them.
[x] God: Thy son you are in a hard way and I know it a six year study has gone to hell because of what I have done and it means nothing now when all the good that was going to come out of it now [p68-b2] is lost I care more about what I'm going to do than what I did for you were trying to set things up for the rest of your life by the wrong doings of others with would have been right for one way to teach them that they were wrong was do it the way you were going to but it would not have straiten the people up for it would have happened to some one else this way some one else has a chance.
[x] For some do not think that thy son's mind is all there; a women teaches this to her young the people are so easy to {ca-dim} what makes them so [p69-b2] right because there are many and they do not know or don't care to except the troth; the women is showing her son the way of the whore so is she right does she believe in God; does she want to go to heaven or does she even care for God has destroyed so many in the past like her and did not even think twice about it the more thy son finds out the; the madder he will get toward the people; for he is just one and they are many; this women acts nice to him but talks behind his back like another one he knows.
[x] Mel: Why they trying to destroy me for can they see what I say is happening and some things I have no choice about they do not like me because of what I say are they so primitive that they can not see what kind of study and test has this become for I fell like I am using some people who would like to help me and for what to let some thing else live in my body and control my life this is not what was suppose to happen.
[p70-b2] [x] God: What happen to you when it is over for this is nothing compared to the world.
[x] Mel: But out there I have a chance here I have none for every time I accomplish some thing then they do something to destroy it I would be better off if I had followers I can see that there are some who care but that does not make up for what I'm going through; Boy it seems like the cops like us.
[x] Mel: I hate what is happening to me and what is in me it proves God then I hate God and I don't give a damn about any thing God wanted me to do for my hate for some reason God you do not care about me and do not think I can not hate when it is over but you are wrong I still think it is time some one tried to teach you a lesson one who does not care if he dies or not just to let you know that there is a limit to what one will put up with; to let one know your way is one thing but to touchier me is wrong for there is nothing that is gained this out to be a war between me and you for you know what made me; me and did not [p71-b2] care about it you make me do things agents my well knowing that if I get a chance I well try to do some thing about it and you talk about pride but because of your pride you just about have destroyed me so you can not talk about pride or your laws to me really for I see were they are right and the world would be better but you can only puss me so for and I would reader teach you a lesson myself then join us with some thing like Satan for that is the cowards way out; what I owe you can only come from me there is no justice in what you are doing to me for what I look forward to you should have been nice to me.
[x] God: For what can I say it is up to you to decide not other people for it is between me and you so if you go wrong then it is up to me to take care of it but at least you are not going to be afraid of any thing for you are involved with the unknown thy son.
[x] God: For some times the same men talk about the hard ships thy son has been through and some women play them down and thy son knows every body does not know what is going on for we said [p72-b2] that the Spar Tree was playing down the coming of Christ and covering it up.
For the mummeries are hell thy son just think of what it is like not to forget any thing for it all I did was dwell on the past then there would be no today try and understand what I say thy son for I know how hard it is but I never learned the life or body of flesh I know you fell for I am part of you but still I am me.
For we are walking through the system once more to find out how much trouble it is for we were told to day that we would have to go through S.S. again and keep trying tell we could not try any more so thy either do not know about you are do not care.
For we see people the people see women who used to be married with single men who is of church what is it that I see for dreams of it that I see for dreams of young love do not last and as they go; so do [p73-b2] my dreams they fade year by year; And I do not like what I have should you but you had to see things my way but now to be hung up in between the words my way only and in time they change but when is it going to change for you for it is hell setting trying to get rid of something that will not let you be free or happy and enjoy life and the thing about it I make you long for some one that you are not even sure would have you but some how you should be looking like a man that is trying to let people know that you some how are going to try and let some thing be known and take the world on even though all you have been through you tell them of things like it is something that they should know or interest them.
[x] For the last time you were with a women I tortured you and she never know it and I said that I could make you go through life like that for she was lying next to you and you could not enjoy for that is the way with Jesus the [p74-b2] night of the last supper for Jesus had to much on his mind to enjoy a woman's love.
Then there were the times when I made you be good will you lie next to a women and some how you were trying to figure out if you were helping her for you felt things that no body know about.
[x] If you can not buy love why does people fight when they have nothing and get separated when they do not think things are going right for love is suppose to help each other over these things does it take three to become one to make sure that there is enough love to go around for all to bring any more is hart ache and because of the U.S. life it has destroyed so much of my way I destroyed the garden of Edom and there was only two there that singed agents me and they had no choice about what was going to happen.
(x) For part of love is that you depend on each other for I mean I say that man can have two wives but it is [p75-b2] the mans choice and age should matter but it is hard to say for a man of 60 should not marry a women of 15 or 20 but a man of 100 could marry a women of 60 years; you should get the ideal for that is the age of 40 yrs. between both and to help thy son he should only go back 15 yrs. from his age thy son knows what I saying but it is hard when love is involved for the feelings of flesh is strong in some.
[x] God: Do not let their way's destroy your love thy son; for a troubled man has a troubled hart.
[x] God: For I making you wonder way so much.
[x] God: For the feelings of the flesh is hard and strong but the mind and knowing Gods way are suppose to be stronger for some times mind and body are weak.
[x] God: Time is on my side and the life of flesh is so short and thy son knows how much is lost and what a waste it is when there is no love and how hate can destroy.
[p76-b2] [x] God: When we leave this area let thy son fell a little better but when we get back it gets back to being the same I make it hard on him again for he does not like what I make him do for if some really know what he was going through and how he felt.
[x] God: For thy son has a small cold has spent two winters with out heat and has lived out side and has been out in all kinds of weather and never got sick but now he is; for I said last night that I was making some adjustments because thy son is not going to have the protection that he is used to but it brings us back to he will not figure out if I'm there or not he just have to take thy word on it and as long as he fills no touchier of mine he will be glad but he does not even know yet if his own mind is going to touchier himself for he has always been a thinker and I sure have given him a lot to think about.
[x] God: For the young do go out of there way to see us and some notice it and we do buy [p77-b2] beer for some so God likes the young they are not drunks and the ones we get some for usually lesson to us and it is not the only reason they come to us for we lesson to them and try to help if they have a problem.
[x] Mel: the days and nights are hard and long for there is nothing worse then livening in touchier how people can talk hate and bad times I do not know for they are free face of some thing with in; free to be, free to have there own though and mind, free to go as they please, free to talk, free to love some one, free to have young, free to smile and laugh, free to cry, free to have friends to ask for help, free to talk about there dislikes, if only people know how free they really are for until you are impression in your own body do you know what imprisonment really is and I know what it is like to be imprisoned falsely being confined wrongly is not right.
[p78-b2] [x] Mel: Why hold me here for I can talk myself to deaf and it would not do much good for you said it would take a long time if I had to do it on my own and it would not really get known all over the world but you are taken your time so I still am losing my life because of you for I had no ideal that you were going to do things to me other wise I would have said that you could not stay in me for it would have been better to been on my own for you have not helped me really.
[x] God: you fell pain with out comfort, you fell hate with out no release, you long for long with out any in sight, you care for some but do not know what would happen to them at the way things are going for would others rune there life just because of you, for there is a untold story about love for have tried to keep one from the hell that you know of and been through and I know what it will do if you lose this one that has help you through [p79-b2] some thing and she does not really know about it and you really know that she does not know the man with in, for you could have took her back east and had a happy life for don't you think that Jesus wanted these things to thy son don't you think that he went through some of the same things, Don't you think that he had some of the same thoughts, don't you think that he wanted a family and young to love, don't you think that he knows what it was like to care for some one but had to go it along so she would he protected, don't you think it heart him to see her but could not let her know. Don't you think that he did just little things to let her know how he felt but did it in a why that others could not tell to keep her from getting in to trouble.
[x] God: for remember thy son do not be afraid to lone for you know if you do not try it what you have lost.
[p80-b2] [x] Mel: how do I get rid of this thing for at times it makes my brain fell like it is on fire and that say that it is going to do some thing good for me but it can do this till the day I die and then I lost my life, my right to live, and the hell you put me through when I try to go to sleep for you really give my mind no rest.
[x] God: my interest is in your happiness thy son but only when the time comes, don't you think that it is hard on me too; to do this to you, for no one has shown you love not even me only interest but you can pick the mummeries from one when you fill it could be there if I would just go and leave you alone.
[x] God: To be here and yet not to be at all is what it was like for Jesus especially after the cross for 40 days he walked with out living at all.
[x] God: Bless them who talk care of thy son for if there was any man who needed to be taken care of it is him for who's need's are greater than his.
[p81-b2] For to take a trip a trip through your mind; hunting and searching for something that you know once was there, for were did it go, for it has been there for so long that I know that it could not have got lost.
[x] For there is something to it for if it would only let me be for if this goes on till I die then there is going to some kind of war for something is defying all that is suppose to be for nothing is suppose to be able to be for nothing is suppose to be able to do this to me.
For the beauty that I see does the hart good but until I'm free it does me no good for I care about some one who I do not know If they care about me for I have been made to do things that I would not have done if I were me for if I found one who believes that you can not buy love then she is worthy of me but I'm not allowed to let her know how I fell and that I would like to be with her but what happens when I am free and how long will it be will it still be there for me or do I have to search once again.
[x] To be here and to want to be there to want to have some one to hold, to walk and talk with some one who is not afraid of people, some
[p82-b2] one to show my love to, some one who does not care about the trouble they could be in if they were with me, some one who could have my child, some one who wants to be with me no matter were I go, some one who cares enough to know no matter what I decide then that is it for some how it would be in the best interest for love and family; For it is late in my life now for I though I found one once but time thought me that I was wrong; for she was a lady for she know how to take care of me but she thought me you can't even trust a lady and could not trust the feelings of the hart for when I lost the ones I loved I lost the only thing that meant any thing to me for I keep from being like others and then when I needed them they left me and have not trying to help.
For have started to take the drugs again and there is no way that any body can say that they are doing any thing but no one know me any more for they had to be with me through all of it to know what has happened to me.
For Job went through hell but it could be seen by others [p83-b2] at times and had people that know about God that trying to help and seek him out and talk about it and trying to give Job answer but did not really help for Job was known to be one that tried to live in Gods way and tried to teach his young right been wrong.
[x] God: Life and time; for the life of yours I have stopped all I all can do is give you time you can know that I 'm trying to make up for the life that I put you through the like that I put you through.
[x] God: For remember the cigarette case's that we make and gone away the one that had the crosses on them meant some thing to you but it had to be to be given away for you know what I have done the way things are spread out now will let people know that we have been around trying to let it be known every place we been and that there are [p84-b2] not many who was given some thing to but some were posses so they can see you.
For people ask thy son if he is writing a book and we say yes but how long is it going to keep going for yes but how long is it going to keep going for there is good that can be if were over and a lot of wrong doing would stop but would it even be over for thy son will he find peace of mind can others help him for get what happen to him for get what happen to him is love stronger than the hell he been through can the love he wants for one help him can he love one that tried to destroy him.
[*] For I do a lot of talking but no one can hear what is being said; so I say that I'm doing a lot of thinking for I'm the only one who knows that there is some thing in me besides one; for you really believe that there is some thing in me then you would know that my thoughts are talk right now and I long for the day that I will be free.
There were the time when I walked all over the town with some thing in me talking and making my life miserable [p85-b2] by torching thy mind and then the times when thy father drove my truck we would slow down when thy father drove and I would speed up when I drove.
Then there was the time we spent months on deciding how to build a cross and figure of Jesus a 100 ft. high; made out of wood with a process of using 3 kinds of wood and coating it so it would not rot; spent a lot of time on this and then find out that it means nothing any more for it was some thing to pass the time.
Then there was the time when Betty was trying to figure out what you were doing and asked you to come down to her house and the times she was telling you that Debbie was trying to get you with her and I stopped you from doing anything.
Why can women set here and some one will buy them drinks and no one will buy us any thing except the good hearted bar-tender will buy us coffee but we do not care.
A good question does a women long for a man that is different [p86-b2] than any one and talking God should let them know that he is not like the rest and would be true to his ways and beliefs just any women would do and that he did not just want some one to hop in bed with.
Then there was the time when there was a party and Debbie was there and I would not let thy son go with her for if I hid then thy son would not have gone through the hell that he did for if he had love it would not been as hard on him and he would of have had help that he needed for thy son used to come home from work and tears would be coming from his eyes from pain because of work and no one seen it for there was a lot that thy son has been through that no one knows about.
For I have not let thy son ask for help and have not let thy son have love and have gave one some weightings that if she still cares for thy son means that she at least knows what to expect even though she did not keep it like we said they should [p87-b2] have to prove that they are worthy to be around thy son but it serves the purpose for she said that she goofed on that one.
There was the time when she said that thy son was paying her back for what was paying her back for what she did the night before; for what thy son has seen and heard has him in a bad way for to think she care's but would not say anything and we did tell her that she could have her choice out of the drawings then we gave them all away.
For there tomorrows have not been good for they son and there has only been dreams of a better day but they have not come.
[x] For no one wants to be free like thy son for not to have control of your own body and feelings to not fell love unless allowed; to not fell pain unless allowed; to not hear any thing unless allowed; not see any things unless allowed; to think of nothing unless allowed for it is better to be free of your own self and live by laws then to be controlled [p88-b2] like this; for this is a living hell one that now today even know for there is no way any body can say that they have been through hell unless they have experienced this and living here on earth is not hell for all are free of the touchier and control of hell even if you are with one that you think is bad is no were near hell.
For it is easy to wait for some thing will you are not the one having to go though it to get the benefits from it; but will you are waiting; you are free to do as you please.
For one who said that you can not buy love sure is showing thy son that she can be bout and many means more than love; for she knows one who wants to love her but she can not see that he can not be bout and he looks for love true love for true love last through any thing.
[x] For hell is some thing every body better think about and figure it is a place that they do not want to go for just ask thy son what it is like and he can tell you that it is [p89-b2] not a place you want to go for what I've been through and know it is not worth any thing to go there; hell is not a place of parties and fun and sex for it is a place that the spirit is tortured for eternally and the spirit has no control over what happens and there is no escape from it.
For it done thy son some good to be touched by one that he cared about even though it was just as she passed but the thoughts will be gone to marrow as he has to walk alone again through what he does not know yet.
3/09/1987 We set here for over a hr. and I do not like waiting around for some one and the paper work is bull shit and it is going to take 20 days before they even talk to us to find out if we get help or not so what happen to us is the mean time we have no coffee money and we came in here to find out about food stamps and drop off some papers so here we wait but we finely got the food stamps.
For there are some who would like us to draw a pitcher for the one that got lost but it is lost now and can not be replaced what a forsake able thing I have [p90-b2] done to this one.
What about love thy son don't you want it more than hate doesn't it fell better than hate; especially if the love is my way.
[x] God: Do you think some one will want to be with some one who wants to attack God.
[x] Mel: Maybe for it shows that I am brave.
[x] God: There is brave and then there is stupid; think of your short life span.
[x] Mel: Big deal after what you have done to me I don't bereave you even have the nerve to say some thing like that.
[x] God: Why not conceder it a test.
[x] Mel: a test can only last so long and then it is not a test no more besides what about the ones who we told that it was a test by now they do not believe or have forgot all about me or (thinks that I am crazy or some thing wrong with me like every body says.
[x] God: That is their problem not mine it just shows that no one really knows you or they do not care.
[x] Mel: that does me no good for [p91-b2] they will not really tell me the troth or not all of it and since I'm not around some of them to see how they react then I will or do not know how they fell about me and after it is over they have a chance to change before I see them.
[x] God: I really don't give a damn about them for it is going to be hard enough for any to be what I want them to be thy son.
[x] God: For we told one not to act like one who has already should you that you can not trust her so if she is not careful she is going to lose you to.
[x] Mel: Why will you not tell me the truth and let me know when it is over I have the right for it is my life.
God: Maybe I will but I have told no one when it will be not even Jesus all I have said is some time this year maybe April or Dec. or any were between now and then.
[x] Mel: That has not answered what I wanted to know besides you have lied to me before; I'm not sure if I can trust you yet [p92-b2] for you have put me through a lot and have done nothing to prove who you are like you said you were or got me some help the way it is suppose to be.
God: You should love more than any one on this earth so them stupid bastardies better not fuck up for I might make you defenseless to love and if someone teaches you can not trust love again then they deserve what happens.
God: Some day thy son you have to stop looking for I know you do not want to love the one who turned your love to hate and I should let you teach all a lesson.
Mel: There is something within that is making me fell sick and bad and it is not me and it say that it cares about me I put my trust in something that will not leave I think it [p93-b2] wants to be me why if heaven is so much better does it stay here.
For Debbie is talking getting married to some one in June so be it if that is what suppose to be then I do not care for I though she understood but I guess not.
God: There is more then one way to destroy love by not should that you love some one destroy it and you do not have to buy things to show it and you really have to do is be there with them or stop with them through the hard ship you do not have to be a smooth talker or a common man and all you have to do is believe in God and Gods way; God for I make thy son fell sick and wishes he was not here or even alive but he can not stop what I'm doing to him and he is sick of it all together he is not surfing for no one but him self for others do not care what is happening to him along so I don't bother them.
God: For thy son long thy son long for the day of his freedom from what is with in that is making his life rotten and people think they have it bad and hard.
[p94-b2] God: For Jessel is trying to help now and I do not care if he keeps his job for he does help others in need if I blame then I have to blame all but there are some who should know what is going on; and I let Vick see thy son today as she drove through town but it still does thy son any good; but if she has had no other then she does deserve to be with thy son for he is the lamb but it has not been hard on her they way it has thy son and get he has not seen his son's at all because of it all Vick looking for as long as she could thy son think that I'm trying to make him fell for some one who is going to treat him like shit again or some one that has some one else already and he don't know it.
[x] Mel: Why are you doing this to me you have destroyed my faith in you why for I'm one who needs you more than any and you do this to me for there has been an test of others for they know what I've been doing and know that I have not been with others for some thing has made me different.
[x] God: Remember thy son I said if they really believe [p95-b2] in you and what you are doing then they are worthy.
[x] Mel: It is easy to set back and wait if your not the one who is being touchier or made to long for love other that you see if I could figure out a way to get you back with out involving the world I would for it is some thing I fell I have to do just so you will not do it to some one else a God is not a God unless he knows how to act like one and a God that torture is not a good one for trust and belief comes out through a mans life.
[x] God: But not every body knows God.
[x] Mel: But there are a lot who say they do and a lot who say they talk to god.
[x] God: But none are the son and non-have me as the one who will prove it for them.
[x] God: For Greg C. got us drunk and we are talking to Debbie and we are start forward with her and Greg they son has always proved himself but like always it looks like that you do not know any thing we hit hem with it about the fine line's and it did some thing [p96-b2] for we tried to say that they are forced up on you thy son and I care about you thy son for I know that you want to love one who will love you and I'm making promises to Debbie that you will help her when it is over.
For we talk to Brad W. from W. K. O. and he likes they son and we do not shut them down but we sure could use help for we told him that we have told our story to some around here and it is not told for people do not talk about it and he is interested in reading the Book for we can not blame them for what there dads did and we tried to make there dads into people that others could trust but they blew it as far as we care.
For we talked to Bud and he stayed out side once and he could not stand it for it got to cold for him and thy son went through two winters with out heat or help from others.
For Jessel was there the night that we talked about being possessed for the first time and no one believed so they sent us in to check us out and no body [p97-b2] has a Ideal that it is true and if they do not believe what is written and the way it is written then there is some thing wrong with the people.
God: People are paying for there whore way and Queer ways and lazy ways for is long as they have free sex and odd ball ways they are going to have new diseases.
3/12/1987 God: Does not like women and men who think that dreams is the answer to the problem when it makes a man problem for heaven for heaven is good if the smart have some one there and if they can live here on earth to get there then they can in heaven.
For we wait till the time to go and get the truck and Greg is going to help us get it for we will bring it to Bills so we can work on it to let people know that we can fix it some but it depends on what all is wrong with it.
For we said that they had to seek us out to help us but we had to do it for they do not believe them there was the time w set in here and talked all night to a man and gave him information by writing it so no one else would know what he was getting and there was a women from C. O. Ply there and did not like what we were doing for she know [p98-b2] we talked God a an wrote things so we let our self be know by our writings.
For we told one who worked with Vick that since they chose the way of life that she did we can not care or help her for she was wrong in what she did so it has been hard or thy son to have your family leave you for a jerk means they are going to go to hell and no body can see it for they think they are right for all who know the Bible say that God does not like divorce and a lot of women do not care so why should I care about them.
For we have not got hold of the people who have our knives yet so some thing of ours is still lost and we have not got it yet.
For life is two short to go through it full of hate; life is to short to just party it away; life is suppose to be with a mate and young ones; life is suppose to help the old in there later days; life is growing old with those you love; life and love is only good if it is God's way.
[x] Mel: I demand that you get out of me right now.
[x] God: Didn't do any good did it.
[x] Mel: There has to be a way.
[p99-b2] [x] God: There is when I get ready.
[x] Mel: How did I get stuck with you; every body else gets some thing that does not control them and does not harm them but do things to try and help.
[x] God: I come to you and you know it; for nothing can stop me.
[x] For we had a good talk to Shown about Spirits, calling, demons and things that happen to people who involve themselves with them or could happen if there was no laws to abide by but when and when did the laws come into affect is what thy son wants to know or are people mission with some thing they have no ideal about or what can happen so there are laws now thy son and they can only posses the ones who want to be possessed and it is different than calling but when some one lets some thing live with in then it is possessed.
For we talked to a placeman about getting our knives back and he was nice about it my son likes them really for back east he turned away from the cops because of the way that they treated him and he learned not to treat them but here I have thought him to trust [p100-b2] them he needs to know that there are there he can trust no matter were they are at or were he is at; for the cops here are good people really and do not like messing with thy son for think of it when they got held of the writings and what we said before when we in there; for some even said now we know.
For we still are invited to Karla's to have a shower for no matter what Karla has always allowed us to visit even though some times it was not the best time because of what we were doing but she has always known that thy son would not try any thing or hurt her or her young for we no matter what I'm had thy son walk a respectable way even though we have said things agents her at times in fact Karla is the only women that will hold thy son put her arms around him even kiss him.
For there was the time when your son's seen tears come from your eyes from pain thy son then there was the times when Betty and others seen tears come from your eyes thy son from pain.
[p101-b2] (x) For then there was the times you seen your young with some one else and you know that you needed help one of the worst thing that could have happened for you know that they loved you not some one else for they even cried when Vick did what she did and I do not give a damn what you do to Glean D. for what he done but the longer you let him live the worst it will be on him for he tried to make your life miserable so make his.
For I hold thy son back for I have him impression in his own body and will not let him be free.
[x] To want to be free this one has long for it for so long so why make it hard on him for some thing that he has had so choice about so do not impression him let him be free for he has to spread the word if his father and just wants peace to walk were ever he choices; not to bring war except agents Satan and Satan's ways.
[x] For there are a lot around here thy son who has talked agents you so I know who they are thy son even though you do not know them all so let me take care of them my [p102-b2] way; for I know what ahead holds for the people; so you tell them about heaven and what it is like and what heaven is all about and do not let the world stop you for my world is your world now; for remember you are here but belong there; for let them all live there lives but you know what you must do for some can not live there lives and you are the one that makes the fine line when it comes to Gods way.
For one by one people see thy son but they do not know who he is for people from out of town come and if they are lucky they see thy son.
For you know thy son some of them who thought it was funny what Vick did to you and the ones who smoked dope with her for the way she had fun and you had hell and it has not stopped on you yet for we tell people that this book is true and yet those is a lot that is not in this book and Donna has charged us for coffee when the others do not in here for one warned us about Betty, Sally, Donna; and we are here just to write the book for we do not plain on making our home here for that would be one way [p103-b2] to destroy the people is by staying here for then this place would became you thy son.
For we had 7 extra bucks to day but I did not cheat the young for we sit here and wait and thy son does not like it for he does not care about the people really for they do not treat him right; for we started a drawing and are thinking about finishing it.
[x] God: For there is nobody up this world who can say that they know what living hell is like for there is only one who knows living hell is like thy son.
[x] God: For he is tortured for some things he is not sure that is going to happen and is worried if you can handle it if it does after what he just been through.
[x] God: For living hell is trying to tell people that some thing calling itself God has taken you over and no body believes but no matter what you know that some thing is in you controlling you [p104-b2] is living hell and you do not know when and if it is going to stop that is living hell.
[x] For to have seen a dove from heaven and then go through hell makes you wonder ware it was from is it better that here and to know how to draw it now for it happened and to wonder now why destroy the metrical that was in the bible for now some how it could help.
A family that sticks together can go through any thing for a family that stay together is a family that will survive.
For there is some thing that will not be explained for evil does exist but a cross has power to for there is a war of spirits.
[x] For the war that is with in is hard and rough for it is affecting the person for now he knows not what he was like for it has been a long fight with out no let up; so who can say they know what it was like it was not them.
For Vick is still going around with some one who does not have any ball's; and he like it fight cripples or those he knows he can beet up but is afraid of those who can thump his head like [p105-b2] Henry Throw who we seen Glen D. sweet talk his way out of a ass beating then we seen him hide behind a women so he would not get in to trouble I hate Glean D. as much as my son; along with Mark Oties too who have done nothing but try and destroy thy son; Mark O. even said once to thy son that he would kill him by bashing his head in for there is a lot of hate that thy son with remember and because of it there are a lot that will try to was things or people to some how get close to thy son or to show that they are better than what they are for those who have stayed friends with thy son through it all has not tried to destroy thy son but some how have help thy son some how.
For Glean D. is like David who sent one out to get killed so he could have his wife but David was killed for it.
So thy son found out that people still calling him crazy and are not given him a chance for why do they lie what have they done the is so bad that they do not believe a to try and cover [p106-b2] it up; what could they have done what is it; why; what is wrong with them; what did they do to make them the way they are; why can't they face the troth is it easer to make up lies than to hear the troth or have they all done some thing that they are afraid of God for; or is it because they do not want to change and the coming of Christ means they will have to.
If it took some one to kiss me who believe that love could break any spell I would be doomed.
For if it took one pure of heart I would be lost here forever.
[x] For evil people will rise up agents thy son so help him if he asks.
[x] God: Whoever said I was supposes to be nice; were is it written that I have to be kind; (only in heaven) for I am that I am.
[x] God: I want to shack this town up for what they done to you thy son.
Then there was the times when we walked all over town picking up money off the streets mostly [p107-b2] pennies some times it would take a week to get enough for coffee then one time we found 50 cents under the washing machine at the Landry mat.
This town is one of the worst that I have ever known the women are batting 100% in there bull shit and destroying love and family for no other reasons but them selves; Boy do I want them to pay for it.
For all are not bad though for there are some who care about thy son for a man cares and knows that thy son is one of a kind and his girl has one of our writings but just one or two here and then does not make the town any good and some of the good ones to us other people say is no good but they are the ones who will be willing to fight for thy son that makes them better then the rest of the bastards.
For it was nice to believe to walk into a church any time and go say a prayer on the altar and no body care or bother you the place was locked once.
For life this way is not worth it life is so much better when you have some one to love a mate who [p108-b2] like your young think that there is no body better then there dad.
For there were the times when you lived on thy energy alone thy son.
For all you see is that I'm letting every body change so they won't get into trouble or put enough time in between things so I won't remember how bad it was on me.
[x] God: Love is a happy thing if only people know what love really is; but even love can destroy that is why there has to be laws even for love.
God: To be in a town where some one is not from and try and make them believe you is hard especially when others are talking agents you and they were raised there.
[x] God: There is hate in thy son because I won't get it over and I won't stop torturing him and hates for no one believes him so there just letting it happened to him.
For a lot of people have talked to God for when they are talking to thy son they are talking to God for now but they do not believe it to be possible we even told of voice change how stupid people [p109-b2] are they risk going to hell as to not try and believe for there life is already shaky for what they done but they still will not admit that they make a mistake and made life extra hard on one because he was different then the rest and he messed not with some one else's women or wife and he did have his chances but was made to walk the right way.
For Greg C. is one that I want to be around thy son for he goes back East to be with thy son for we told Greg that he would have a choice of woman for a wife.
For we have talked the coming of Christ for so long that they don't believe or care but there are the ones who believe in thy son.
For I let the old bitch look up on thy son again I hope she eats her hart out and realizes what she done wrong and knows why thy son does not care about her and what she is doing.
[x] For I want to be free for why God forsake me any more for I can not be free till you leave you hold me in captivity and not let me be free you let me see how free everybody [p110-b2] else is; and make me suffer you make me talk big things that others do not believe could happen and yet do nothing for me except keep on torturing me for you destroyed the day by day torture that we had written down that explained what you were doing to me and destroying what everybody else was doing to me and what my family was doing to me you let them forget but I can't and you won't let me.
For the life that I have stopped you from having I'll make up to you but because of what you been through it will be a long time before you will enjoy what I do for you and you figure out that it was what was suppose to happen and you to except it.
For we let one read what is written and he is the new owner of the tavern so he really does not know what is going on for how do you tell people that thing is the coming of Christ when the town don't believe it and they know more and been around [p111-b2] more than the new comers the people have not told all two new comers like selling a haunted house they don't tell every thing happen that the story is not true.
[x] For all that I made you miss because of torture how do I make it up the same thing I had to do for Jesus and he was spirit after the cross and he had no life to live just think all that he missed out on thy son for what did I do for him to make it up for he is the only one who can answer that for you thy son so to you he might have got off easy for he did not have to live afterwards for he did not have to live a life with a decrease of what happened to him for he did not have to look people in the eyes and live on.
For we talked to two last night talked hard and heavy about God and they could understand what we were trying to say and others heard what we were saying and we talked that thy son [p112-b2] was made to walk in the right way and not chase women.
For the fear that it won't end and no one can help for if love and family would have stayed with me then they would have seen the changes and would have known what was going on and would seen that some thing was happening that was not normal and would have read and heard knowledge that is lost now that is what happens when family don't stick together some thing is always lost.
There is always some thing to think about so your world thy son is one for you each day that about and less to worry about.
For I keep thy son away from his son's and keep on saying tell them that I love them but I will see them when I get done and not till then but it is not fair to the man or the boys. It must be torture to love some one and not see them not even hear there voice's; but knowing that they aren't dead.
[p113-b2] It is hard to damn the ones who have fucked with you if they try and be nice to you after they done some thing wrong but how do they make up for what they done.
[x] Mel: Why keep it up are you going to let a rabbit take Easter over again this year.
[x] God: You are just trying to get it over and have your freedom.
[x] Mel: I though there was suppose to be freedom of chose in this and in life.
[x] God: To you; you have not freedom of choice or freedom of what is happening to you; You know I'm destroying some of the old and new ideal about the past and I understand that its not right to have the bad make up for what they have done wrong for that would be like letting Satan back in to heaven.
[x] God: There comes a time when I'll let you go free and be what you would like to do.
[x] God: They let thy son walk around saying that he is taken [p114-b2] over and don't believe him and I do not let him say every thing to them just enough to either get them interested or to keep thy son in to trouble.
[x] For life is sweet, life is neat; life keeps going on, so why teach the young wrong.
[x] For life goes up, life goes down but until you die life is all ways around.
For it is hell knowing some thing that is supposed to happen and waiting for it to is even harder.
[x] Mel: Why not get it over and let some be proud that they know me and help and were friends and let the rest suffer.
1 [x] Mel: Why not leave and let me be free to make what I can out of my life and if I kill because of what you done; then I will meat you before I go to hell "to punch you in the face".
2 [x] God: You really are trying to push things.
3 [x] Mel: Trade places with me and see how you like it.
4 [x] God: I know how you fell but I'm not going to trade places with you; I'm no fool.
[p115-b2] [x] God: if love makes man blind then it is wrong.
[x] Mel: How do I get help getting rid of some thing that people do not believe that is in me.
For we read of a man in 1970 that had Satan talking through him and was possessed and had scientists with him and talking to the Demons but we get no help.
For we out lined some in the bible in Daniel and it talked something that look like revelations in a way talked the beast with the horns on his head talked four different beast; Daniel was the one who was in the lion's den.
There is a voice change and no body hears but thy son people just don't pay attention.
For life I plan to be good to you thy son but it does not look like it; will I just hold you here and not do anything for you.
For I fuck with your hart and let you not be you it is all touchier to you and I keep reminding you about hate you are so sick of what's happened that you will not know what; and if I around; if you fell anything that has [p116-b2] happened to you.
[x] God: I said you will hate me when it is over I have to be crazy to want you to hate and hear me but it is to late to change what I have done to you thy son.
[x] God: for there are those who would like to hear about you for some how they know there life will change and some will be glad to know that they had a chance to talk to me.
[x] God: this town is full of sinners.
[x] God: this town is like the town that put Jesus to the cross.
[x] God: the women and men sinned the same way back then; there body was just for pleasure, to party, to have fun and care less about the laws of God.
For to long for love for so long and be one who does not force himself on anyone; females that non come [p117-b2] to him for love; is it because all the lies that is around the town about him; is it because he has nothing; is it because he has does not have a house; is it because he has no income that they can see; is it because he has no car that they can see; is it because of what he is doing, is it because of what the people of the town is doing to him, is it because of the way the law keep picking him up; is it because no body believes him.
For to want some thing to leave and it wont is hell; for to allow something to happen then find out that it is controlling your life and you not do any thing about it; to have it become you and you can not stop it; Why because there was no one around you till after the changes were made and now it does no good for people except thy son for the way he is and don't way pay attention to what he says.
To fight something alone is hard but to fight for your existence [p118-b2] is hell; but to fight something with in; with out help, so were is the help? If so many care about me; if just letting me stay alive is helping me then they know not the hell I'm going through and do not believe that I'm taken over.
[x] God: If I do not care if thy son's spirit is saved or not; then what makes you thank I give a bam about yours.
[x] God: For no matter what thy son goes to heaven he can do no wrong as for as I am concerned for he can do nothing so bad to any one else like I don to him.
For we set here and Shown has shown that he cares and all ways tries to help and his friend is good for he likes to read what we are righting and he does not lose interest in it; and Greg is always buying us a beer.
For only thy son knows what it was like for the way some moves remind him of thing that have happen to him.
[p119-b2] For to listen to others and know if it was over they would not have to have goon through some trouble that they did; for we hear how the women lie and they think that just because they have nothing in common that they should get a divorce; what about the young; and a women who wants to change a man what about the women changing to please the man.
My son is sick of the way women around here are and want to change them and by now so many have some wrong and have found some one else how does he straiten that out and if I say they done wrong then all have done wrong and they got to do a lot of good to make up for it any one who has singed or got a divorce for it takes a lot to get into heaven.
For there is a new heaven but it takes a lot more to get into it and by now thy son does not give a bam and cares less if any body makes it people wanted to know what Jesus felt like then read it all and figure it out Jesus turned like [p120-b2] God he don't give a damn for people are stopped no matter how smart they think they are.
For the hell those who know that you had a loving wife and family and look at you now what happened to the man that had only love around him what happened to stop it; what made it change; what went wrong; why did it happen this way what stopped the love; what destroyed the family; what the hell went wrong; why did not they stay together; what meant more than family.
There was the time they tried to let you know that they were mad at the jerk and he could not do anything right as far as they care for they tried to let you know that they did not like it there any more.
Then there was the time when she said what she was doing she thought was best for the young but now know what she done was wrong.
Then there was the time that the boys were trying to say that the jerk was just a friend and thy [p121-b2] son does not need friends like him.
Then there were those who said that the jerk was just a bodyguard.
Thy son hates the jerk for reasons that I can not change and all the goodness in the world could not make thy son to like the jerk or even to try to be a friend; so the meaning is hard for there are others thy son does not like but thy son can forgive them but not the jerk; you never can like any thing that destroys love; So son they destroyed my other son I have a hate and since I took some of it out on you; you know what it is like to have pay back taken out on you for some thing you did not do; You know how it feels to loses everything; You know how hard to try and figure out why it is being done and the real reason for it.
For we keep up telling people that we are doing a religious movement and we telling some that there are those who we hate.
For we were told that the jerk is a liar's and has told lies to others for what is wrong for a person not [p122-b2] to see them for what they are;
are they holding something on them, or did they do something so wrong that have no choice about it; or is it love that has made them blinded; or is it a house; or riches or no rent or cheep rent; What can make a person condone a liar; What wrong can make some one stay with a liar, is it drugs.
What kind of women can stand a man that just stares at her body? (a sex pervert).
What kind of man just knows about women that he can not have, dreams about sex he can not have, because he has no ball's does he think his tongue is as good as his dick or do women like a tongue better than a dick and if so what has there world come to.
Is it so called love that has made people blind at what they are doing and have done; is it ignorance to Gods ways? Is it the deal that nothing will happen to them; is it because ever body is doing it.
What happen to people over the years why have they gone wrong so many questions that I would like to know.
[p123-b2] My Brain goes through hell that no one knows about and I try and tell some but they still cannot conceive what I'm trying to say.
For some of the old that was destroyed around the cross was done to the anger of God so some did pay so it looks like some paid that know not what happened or was not involved in or with what was going on; and they had another God with did not help them at all.
Not all the information in the world is not worth any thing if you are alone.
So hate is what thy son has for me because I have done nothing but fuck him over and destroyed his life for death is what he wants now for it has been to long with just a dream that it would be better.
Love is the one thing that thy son is missing and it has been over 4 yr. Since he has felt or had love every since he went back east and Vick started playing with thy son and his love to hell with women who did or do what Vick did is any way shape [p124-b2] or from.
For some miss read what is written thy son but they get the ideal and that you are doing some thing that has to do with God and the unknown.
[x] The big question is love ever going to find thy son can love over come what he has been through can he love some thing or one who has cared nothing about him who has tried to destroy him for we have not should thy son love and expect him to show love why should he be any different from what he was taught even by the people they just know they can't stop him; For love is more important than any thing to thy son for with love he can go through any thing that is why Jesus loved God that is what made Jesus life for God was his love more than people for they know him not but God did and God showed Jesus his love.
For thy son does not like to be in this presents of what he calls jerks for they try to work [p125-b2] on thy son and jerks are no good they do no good and all they care about is themselves and not what good they can do some one and try and take advantage of some one else that is in need in some way, shape or from.
For time is what thy son needs to talk and get read of his anger even to those he used to love for he has a lot of questions that have to be answered before he can show them any love or any caring for what did they do will he was going through hell and what did they buy will he was broke; were did they go will he was going through hell; how much fun did they have will he was going through hell; way did they lie to make the hell harder on him; why couldn't they believe in the man they know if it was because of what a crazy man said or because they know a crazy man then kill them all that are like the jerk Glean D.
For every one has some things wrong or they know some one so do not ask thy son for nothing and I mean nothing at all especially [p126-b2] the people from around here.
[x] Like a rock that is what they want thy son to be like; a man that can go through anything and still tell them that he hates God and I don't give a damn what happens to me but it's God that you better figure out that is not so nice and don't give damn about people because through time they always turn to the bad and think they are right and God is sick and tired of baby setting them; for if they don't learn this time about God and what God wants and the old writings and these then they never will.
For to walk this way with God is not fun and it is hard on thy son to know ever thought is God talking and no one hears what is being said for God has teased thy son about his family and what they did to him and what ever body else has done to him and he hates it for God could have stopped it or should not have teased thy son but the world will tease thy son and make jokes about him and what he has been through [p127-b2] for they do not care but God really does thy son I'm going to let you show the world that man and the son of God can take it and go on; But be careful of thy son for he will not take much shit for he has a name to protect (Christ). For I have teased thy son for things that he does not know if they happened or not.
There will come a time in your life thy son when you have to make up your mind and you know what about; God and Satan but it is you who has to make it no one else.
And I'll say it again you can have two wives and so can your young so your young will never know what it is like to be with out love and a wife and young.
The drawing we done last night was a fast one that we put out.
The Spare Tree does not take food stamps and we fell that they should even for meals for if some one does not have a stove or a place to keep food then what are they suppose to do; some one else asked this question about a 1yr ago.
[p128-b2] For a town to have so many loose women and men for what are they looking for most had love and left it.
For we said that we would do some thing for some one and now we can't get the parts to fix the truck.
God: Then there was the times when you did not know who they were with or were they were at.
God: For there was the long hair that you did not get to run your fingers through that she took care of herself and then the times she wore the head band and then the time when she used to see you on the way to work there are so many ways for you to hate God for not letting you do what you should have done and sitting around waiting for some one to come and help you does not pay.
God: For there are men looking for love a everlasting love one that last a life time and one that they would not have to worry about that is why
I by Gods law man can have two wives and man is boss.
[p129-b2] There were the time she went into Vancouver and you know not when and with whom.
There is love for your young but you know not what they were taught and they know not what you have been taught.
Mel: Stop forsaking me for you are not right no more its time to do some thing for I'm tired of the lonely life and having you in me for it was better when I did not know you were in me but knowing and have this happen is wrong you have should me nothing in the old that you do or will do this to some one they all had a life no matter what Job is the only one that looks like he had no choice about what to do and Jesus I wonder about if he really was in control of his body for if I had the power that he had and hated or had to defend myself I would use them.
God: You have a right to be you and to cuss God to be antichrist but you still have to be Christ for at night I torture you till morning all night long you go through hell and torture for remember that some do not believe in torture well if God [p130-b2] torture then you know that Satan and hell is torture
[x] God: You are thy son and you are involved with God and Satan no way you can get out of it you have me in you and you can not control or get rid of me and people will know that it is only you so what are you going to do; how can you tell them that you are you when no body will know you and wont like people except for a few and they are not really the best type people and people might wonder why you call up on them to be around you or to talk to.
[x] God: Every body has a spirit and there is life after death but only as a spirit and a spirit either goes to heaven or hell; and some are land looked for a reason but after a will get to go to heaven or hell and there is no reincarnate or a spirit does not enter some one else body to have anther chance.
[x] God: I do care about you thy son but it does no good to know it now for I am not nice to you and you are going through hell and others are not and they [p131-b2] have not lost some of there life because of me and expected to live on for they all have been free but you they all know what freedom is you don't.
[x] God: You see no end to what you are going through for so long have I been controlling you and said test and other thing and not letting you know when it was going to stop.
[xxxxx] God: I let you not die and neither well and that is what you wish to die and have it over would be a way but it does not come; to die you would not get read of me you just would not have your body; Only you have a reason to want to kill your self and die for you are going through hell and I will not let you die So people should want to live it took 2 yr. of torture for me to brake you down so you did not want to live.
God: I want the Spare Tree closed down and the Woods run out of town.
For thy son has learned that the young will turn you in to get out of trouble for they want to brake the law but do not want to pay for it they get caught [p132-b2] for they all e like that if they can turn some one in to stay out of trouble then they will.
For if other things mean more than you thy son then they are not worth it for nothing should be more important than what you can teach.
For we talk to the cops about what the kids said we did for we did not do what they said we did not buy for the one who got caught and in to trouble.
For the trouble that I keep getting you in to does not look like it stops.
For we plan a trip and you don't know if we can make it and people are depended on us but people do not care about us and what is happing to us or what could happen to us for what they want us to do just as long as people get what they want but some know what a hard life we have been living.
For we are toting two books around with us two books of information that thy son really can figure out but others can see meanings in some and some can relate with some.
[p133-b2] [x] For I know some one who prayed to God if he would let man live then she would do any thing to help him or support him then she left him for she lied to God how many times should God listen to lies before he sends them to hell, why should God even lesion to some one who will lie; why proems something to God and then try not to keep it; for if you make a promises to God you better keep it or let God brake it for it is your spirit that you are gambling with that is enough to let Mel know that there is something wrong and he is being tortured and he does not know why for any one he has cared about I do not let him speak up or let them know for it just looks like I'm just making hell for him and there is no end to it.
For to go through living hell all alone with out no help; and tell people but they do not believe.
For it has been so long since thy son has enjoyed life that he has for got what is like; to torture some one to the point that anything [p134-b2] is better than what was happening to you is the torture that I have done to thy son Mel.
[p134-b2] Thy son found out today that his son's may not care for him any more; Why is it because they have been brainwashed; or is it because of all the lie's they have heard; is it because thy son wont stop what he is doing; is it because they are afraid of what he is doing and if he proves something; because they all thought that they know God so they let one man go through hell alone because they know God and God's ways and how loving and forgiving; God is suppose to be.
Mel: Then why all the hell and torture on me?
God: there wrong they do not know God or Jesus for we had a plane and we know people better than any.
[x] For no one knows God and it is hard on those who do get to know something about God it for always coasted someone something when
God wanted something known and it usually coast one something the rest of his life to know that God is talking to you if nothing else you wonder if and when God [p135-b2] is going to come back and talk this is different than dreams or angels this is God himself.
[x] Mel: So quit telling me and do something for you torture my mind you let me not alone I want to go home were I know there are those who will care in what I am doing for here I fell I do no good here with you in me stopping me and torturing me all my all my mind is going to know is torture the day by day torture that we had would be long for it has been a yr. Now and it has not stopped no one can say that they have been through anything like I have. (3/16/1990 God: where's home now thy son but heaven)
For now God has a job for me maybe drawing; a women come up to me wanting me to draw a 60 ft. long wall she has and can do it any way.
For time is not right yet in time you will be glad for what I do but not what I did to you; for you are the only one alive that can say God did it to you and God made you do it no body else can say these things.
[x] God: thy son is neutral and if he is forced then he is the one who sets on Daniels thrown but he works for God now something he did not want; [p136-b2] he wanted to know about God but did not want to work for God and what I made him study the people for means nothing any more for if you don't punish them when they do it then they think it is right and I've seen were even the smallest crime is bad for it teaches others that it is all right so maybe your crime was small but to teach others that it was right is wrong so a small crime can become a big one by time you die; So you can get sent to hell for some thing that started out small for you are suppose to teach the right way not the wrong way; Gods way not Satan ways.
For the reason we burned the other writings (a yr. ago) is because if people get hold of them they would have been used agents us.
[x] If black holes pulls everything in to it then some were it would compress so much mass that it would explode.
[x] If black holes were doorways to another place then there would be one that had something coming out.
God: keeps telling one women how dutifully she is and will not do any [p137-b2] thing for thy son to let him fell love and torcher thy son by letting him know that God thinks she is good looking and will not do anything to help thy son be with her and she is suppose to be in love and yet thy son could love her and God does nothing to help thy son.
God: for I am here to straiten a lot out and the main one is that thy son Mel is religion and that God has exist.
For what I'm doing to thy son makes me the meanest and no good thing there is for I could stop any time but I have not and wont till I'm done.
They took the drawing off the jailhouse wall that we did but they did keep it no there for quit a will before they had inmates take it off.
For we went through welfare and we still aren't through yet we have to get some paper work filled out by Dr. Jessel before we are able to get it and then they want us to see a V.A. Rep. so we tired of the exceptions for they don't care all they have is a job to do; we are involving all we can on this and doing things in all ways to see how things happens but it is slow [p138-b2] for every one takes there time and does nothing to help someone who needs help right away.
Mel: When is the day going to get here and all this going to stop.
God: it will not stop for you when it is over then you are going to have a lot on your mind.
Mel: you are avoiding the question or you lie about when it is over; why should I trust you because you don't have to trust me.
God: You know what people around you will think when you lie to them, remember they will think that you don't care about anything and a lie means just that you don't have to worry about lying for there are some things you will not want to tell the truth about, All I ask is be honest and use everything for the good even if you lie use it for the good for son only god 3/17/90.
Mel: what about thou shall not lie
God: that is for people; especially those who want to go to heaven if you do nothing wrong or bad then you do not have to lie.
Mel: people are going to expect me to always tell the truth and I never did like lying but did do it to keep [p139-b2] from getting into trouble and what did I do to get into all this trouble with you and if it was my past then a lot of people are in big trouble for I was not that bad and I see a lot others around town a lot worse than I ever thought of.
1 Mel, for I moved out here so I could be closer to my family but the work I did kept me from it and then they left me, never did make it to Alaska, I wanted my boys to learn what I was doing for I was trying to build something for them but I should have gone on instead of stopping.
2 God, What makes you think it would have been different somewhere else I choose you and put you through the hell too many families break up for Bull shit reasons, money, jobs, games, swindler, self pride, sickness, disabled, mental, etc, and I do not like it.
God, a woman who leaves her husband does not have self pride in the old they had to stay together till one died, and the divorce was when they were first married and if had young they went to the man and the woman got nothing (except what was hers before they got married some of the old ways).
[p140-b2] God, A woman does not need a lot of gold to insure that she will be taken care of when she is old and the man is dead for if she stays with the man till he dies and believe in family the way it should be then they have nothing to worry about, some jewelry is ok but some have too much and it can be used for better things why not help the people and thy son will work on the Gov. To try and make it better, U.S. way are good but even then can use some help.
God, the way with a lot of men is they go through life with the ideal that when they die that everything will go to the family so their life might be easier but a divorce destroys the family and makes the man where he does not care and a man should only support one family if the others wants a man to support them then they should not have left and if the support is for young then the young should go to the man and if the woman keeps them then she should support them and a man does not and should not run out on his family if the woman is no good then get rid of the woman,
Why let a [p141-b2] no good woman teach her no good ways to the young, and a woman find a good man and a good man believes in God and
God's ways and tries to live by God's lows, for always remember that everybody has to answer to God sometime.
God, we burned another bible the other day more information that was marked out and lost.
[x] God, there is a lot of information in what is written if only something was proven so people will listen and believe what they read and know what it says is true and that it is what God wants to be known.
God, Woman place is in the home taking care of the young and the man or helping others like the community and it is up to the man if the woman should work outside the home, if the man can support the family then the woman should only work in the house and do what she can to help the man if for some reasons that the man can not work then the woman can work.
[xx] God, they nailed the right hand first and then the left (clipped the right artery), then nailed the feet on a cross board, after nailed they raised him right side [p142-b2] first so the Blood ran to the left, there was already a hole in the ground already so the would not have to dig it, and then cross leaned a little to the left, the cross was long so they would not have to pack it in the hole were used for more than one time and the others they tied to the cross.
God, Damn I hope you fined love thy son otherwise you are going to go through a lifetime of hell.
God, I like Joe Throw so make a place for him thy son remember how excited he was when he found out that you were making a movement Religious and how he has done something for you when he could.
God, it is no good on you to know God and God is in you and not proven anything so you know how Jesses felt for he really did not want to die the same as you really did not want to go through this the way you did and with the torcher.
God there will come a time when it is over thy son but even tomorrow is not soon enough for you I make you live [p143-b2] hard and put through all kinds of hell and tell you not why and everybody else has it easy even the ones who think that they are going through hell has it easy compared to what has happen to you.
God. I hold you and you want to be free for life would be easy for you now but you could not live long for your mind would not leave you alone and you could not you through it again knowing that it happened to you and no body listens with out my help? Connie Bliss I was there
God see thy son there are ones who will fighting people for you who care about you so remember the ones who care it is people like them, the one who put his name above is one.
[x] For if you cannot tell a friend what is on your mind then they; are not a friend!
For the time is near thy son but there is nothing you can do, is but wait for when I prove thy self and I am the only one who can do it and it will be so much easier the way I'm going to do it, if you had to do it [p144-b2] on your own you could not do it even if we keep everything that we had or had done.
God, for I set my standards world wide for they are for everyone who believes in God.
God, Women do not put yourself above man, Man a woman is not something for you to beat upon a wife is something to love not beat, an husband is something to love and not something to Bitch at are to control the man was made first and man and woman are not the same.
[x] God, Love and trust go together you can have trust with out love but you cannot have love without trust.
God, family should be able to work things out between themselves same as man and wife, man has the say so but it does not hear to talk things out with women so they don't feel like they have no say so and it does not hear to have another opinion but man has the say so.
God, Women does not become in charge of my house or church for they do not become a high priest, Nuns are the guidelines
[p145-b2] God, Nuns can be married and still be nuns for they are better qualified to teach the young right and if a man is married then she has a job to do besides being married things can be worked out that is why I leave a son to help remember thy son nuns or above other women for they work for God.
God, I want nuns to be maids in my house and to help take care of thy son and I want good looking ones for I want thy son to be around all the beauty he can and they can be from all over the world and of different races and speak different tongues so in time they can help their people and let them know what they learn and it does not matter if they call home every week, day, month, so people know that they are not in prison.
[x] God, life is worth living thy son the same for you dieing in worth it you have something that Jesus only had that is my name and love and a place in heaven all ready set up.
God try and remember the good even though there was not that much of it at first [p146-b2] it was great and then it got worse that is the same way that Jesus life went and Jesus was nice to the one who had the say so about killing him and he already knew that he was going to die he did not like it but he did it, it shows you thy son if you are nice and they want to kill you they will so just because you are nice does not mean that it will save your life.
God, there are those who live by my laws but do not believe in God it makes them better than those who believe in God but do not live by my laws.
God, how is a man suppose to feel when he did everything he could to let a woman know he cared and she did everything to show him that she did not so why shouldn't man take them for everything for a lot have should thy son that love does not work especially when there is a divorce; the U.S. has turned God's ways against man.
God, Nick shows nothing but greed and is listing to a [p147-b2] lot of fucking Jerks and is trying to run thy son out of town by making it so hard on him that he can not stay around.
God for the hell that I have put thy son through and what keeps piling up on him and there is some that could have been stopped if I would have let thy son so something at the time and Vick is trying to put a lot of pressure on thy son and thy son has been in to be checked already for mental and pressure like this would
push some one over the edge so it looks like thy son has learned not to let a woman to get away with anything for she is making good money and knows he has nothing.
God, Vick forgot about the transmission to the van, she forgot that she did not give thy son the title to the pick up; she forgot that she told thy son that she was living with two men.
[xx] Mel, Boy I am one pissed off person, And what happens when I finely get a chance for all I see I'm in nothing [p148-b2] but trouble, and no matter what happens it just keeps on getting worse and I can't do anything about it.
[x] God what happens if I do give you a chance what will you do for I know you want to destroy something because of what happened to you.
[x] Mel, God should have known better than done what he had done to me.
[x] God, for the hell I put you through there is no way I can pay you back all I can do is make your life some what better then you are used to.
God for the people have done nothing but fuck with you if it isn't one it is the other.
God for you have been tortured for a woman that is using someone else's name and could be married as for so you know and you have not talked to her for 2 yrs. And have done nothing to hurt her and have done nothing to get them in trouble but all they do is bring trouble up on you.
God if only they would believe with out having to prove anything if only the women would have come to help thy son and at one [p149-b2] time they asked thy son to move in with them for all the good that might have happened only bad happens.
For nothing interest thy son for long he does not care about much but someone to love his way nobody loves a man that has nothing and has no control on what is happening and can not be like others.
For what I have done made thy son sick of drinking booze for he never cared about booze as long as he had smoke and he knows that he feels better on smoke than booze.
For we told one to kill thy son if something did not happen this yr.
3/30/87 For what has happened to thy son why should he care about everybody why should I care about everybody why should people be forgiven for what they done, why should thy son believe them for they did not believe him, Why should he even try for they could have tried to help him by talking about what he was talking [p150-b2] about instead of against him and for the ones who said that what they did was to help him are wrong for he has told about everybody what was happening to him and they just can not believe that God is in him they have should me that they do not care about God and a man that says God is making him do things just like Jesus so why should I give a damn about theirs since they think that they know so much.
There comes a time when everybody has to make up their mind on what they are to do, John the B. went through hell for God and Jesus and he did not get no satisfaction and it cost him his life.
For Greg has helped us again and thy son has no freedom yet for there is no freedom until it is over and I allow it.
For there is no justice for thy son at all for he has been cheated out of life and his hell has been no family around him so they [p151-b2] could help it is hard for one to day and prove something but easy for a family to try it so people would believe that something is happening.
For we told one boy that we already told his mom that I was possessed and that I am the only one who really knows who I am and that I am what and who I say I am and we told his dad the same thing.
There was the time when Lowell wanted to know if thy son was going to take over and rule the people but all he wanted was to be on thy son's side, and Tim to wanted to be on thy son's side.
For we carved a pipe for thy son something he has not had for quite a while.
For to long for a body of flesh to lay with someone to make love to and someone that can love you for what you are a man of God to care for you the way it should be.
To want to go somewhere but there is no place to go and where you are at hold nothing but [p152-b2] bad memories and you do not want to be there; For to walk around wishing that you were dead so you would not have to go through no more.
To have sons and not to be able to see them and if you could by now have do you explain to them for something happened that they needed to be with to understand.
No one has Jesus Blood in anything for no one took any and wine is to represent Jesus Blood.
[x] For there is so much that could be written but it is all bad and we set here and hear another woman talk about child support for a man boy it makes me sick at the rate thing are how is a man suppose to live if he has to support some one who does not live with him and how can he think of marriage when he is still paying for his last one and if he barely getting along now how can he support another family the laws stink, went from trying to help women to women using it to their advantage.
God, tells everybody that [p153-b2] were written a book and shook a lot of people's hands but still does nothing for me.
[x] Mel, I just want to be free of you God farther as not you have gone too far and you are afraid to tell me how to through you out Why won't you get it over can't you see what you are doing to me don't you care you must not for you won't stop you have ruined my fate in you something that was not suppose to happen.
Mel, how long you going to keep this up or are you trying to take my body over to do as you please with it with it looks like you are going to do anyway for some how you have already ruined my life no matter what.
Mel, for no one can know what the fell is like unless they have been taken over and it be in total control and yet know everything going on with out any black out but with something's being stopped from being heard.
Mel, it is hard to try to care any conversation when something is in you and hard to think when something [p154-b2] is controlling your mind and when it is controlling.
For we went to this place where we got rid of a lot of things and showed them to someone else and let him know what was out there and that we plan to get some of it so there will not be so much around.
3/31/87 In time maybe you will be able to forgive me.
Mel, I see where you can take me over for every and no body will believe or know for they just don't care if it is not happening to them for I wish you would do this to someone else so they would know what kind of hell it is and see how people believe and see how their life goes with something controlling them and they can not get rid of it.
God, I do not care what happens to the people around here or what they go through the good people will make it for they will say it is for the best a God must have wanted it that way and we did nothing to try and help him and we did not believe what he said.
Mel, Stop your control on me [p155-b2] for I have the right to be me and I'm not going to trust you till I'm sure your out.
God, I will not stop till I say it is over for you and as far as trusting me it will take time for you to trust me because of what I did to you and let others do to you; you already have it in your mind that you are going to be like the walking dead because you will not know for sure if I left you are not.
God, Co-ply I would like to see closed down for I do not like what happened there it destroyed too many marriages and women think just because they have a share then their life is set and they do not need anything so close it down the men can find work somewhere else and a lot of the men are no better than the women and a lot use my name in vain and I do not like it for to say God damn this and God damn that will I just might damn you.
God, How do I repay a man that I destroyed his love and family, marriage and life [p156-b2] as far as it has gone so far and what is in the past makes what is a dead as hard.
God it makes what's a head hard to say what will happen for each day things keep changing and each day you find out something new or else.
God, how do I repay a son that had to die on a cross especially if he felt like thy son Mel and nobody know it.
For thy son runs into people who know him before and know what his family did to him for if they really know what happened or what thy son really been through it would mean something to thy son.
4/1/87 For I hold thy son to this rotten life that I make him walk and no body believes that God is in him so he feels like shit because nothing feels good to him and nothing going right.
For it is going to be the 5th of April before we get food stamps sent to us and we have heard nothing on financial help yet everything is suppose to be sent and nothing is and we could starve or some one else [p157-b2] that was in this shape.
God, there no uses of doing something if there was not something around to know what God was and what, God to do what he wanted and that no one can stop God.
Mel, it is unfair to the people to keep on doing this to me.
Mel, for the things that are in my mind or they true are not for the things somehow sound impossible but yet I know they happened for how long is it going to take to forget.
For I still do not let up on thy son for he still is not free to do or be what he would like.
For to look forward to something better is all thy son has to look forward to and yet it looks like nothing is going to happen for to just be held somewhere just so you can go through hell is not right.
There has to be a way to let it be known what has happened to me and let others know that there is something that the person can not stop or control.
For to hold thy son to what [p158-b2] I'm doing and to him it looks like all I'm doing is stalling for time.
For we are carving a cross to wear around the neck and it is a pipe to that way son is always with a pipe and cross the two things he needs most.
Life is hard an thy son for he has no choose in what is happening but if I would not interfered with him life then he would not even got this way.
For I destroyed thy son love how do people expect me to pay him back how do I make up for the years of loneliness how do I tell him my wrong is right there is no way to explain it to him, how do I tell him no matter what he knows about the pass to forget it and think of a better life.
For I make life hard on thy son and people would like to see him leave there are those who do not care about the people but only what they can get out of them a place that only thinks of profit has no place in a small town, Sally Woods is one but the people that work for her is ok.
[p159-b2] For no one knows what it feels like what thy son has went through he is one of a kind and went through something no man could go through for the way it is I have his life in complete control and no body would do anything to stop it for as far as they care Mel is Mel no matter what happens.
4/5/87 Then there were the times when we burned in scents and candles for Jesus.
[x] Then there was the time when thy father beat me in the truck, pulled my hair, etc. and made me call to Satan to help and nothing happened but me getting tortured, then the times I would yell and scream in the night to try and get rid of this thing and it still is in me and it is to the point now that it has me in complete control it has taken over my mind so I do not know who I am because everything is controlled by it and it can talk about my past just like it was the one that did it and has control on my mind that even my thoughts are controlled for I'm only allowed to think what [p160-b2] it wants me to think and how, when and what; to know that something can stop you from thinking and to make you thoughts talk with in you own head; to control someone to make him write what ever what ever it wants.
Then there was the time when sleep in a trash bag with it over my head like Jesus in the shroud then carrying two books around like Moses with the two tablets, then telling people that this is like the Book of Job. Except that God thought the was of Satan to his son, God is the one who made his son wish that he did not know God, God is the one that tortured his son.
Then there were the times when thy son was tortured with nightmares and then there is the time ahead when things that be has been through will be like nightmares to him and might make thy son regret some of the things that happened the rest of his life and make him not appreciates some of the things that I do for him.
Then there was the times that [p161-b2] I treated thy son like a man that had a demon in him.
Then there were all the nights that we spent down at the park looking at the stars, like looking for a sign from God and the stars and all we talked about and the way we study how the stars moved at night from one place in the sky to the other.
The women are not right they just think they are right the one thing they forget is that they need God and God's ways other wish they would be like they were in the old with a lot are now they just use the laws the way they want to help themselves.
For the way things have been spread about thy son is no good for they have tried to destroy thy son and have talked against thy son women mostly for thy son has been called a mark, a crazy man, a undercover agent, a no good, a wife Beater, a helpless cripple, a no good man, a person who does not know what he talks about, a person who is dealing with Satan, a person who does not know God, a person who let a divorce destroy him, [p162-b2] a person who have to strong, a person who has a great talent for art.
Then there were the walks along the tracks and the talks.
Then there are the ones who said that thy son had an invisible Buddy and some know that he was talking to something they could not see.
Then there were are the ones who know that thy son could do things that others did not know was possible and there were something's that there has never been anything like it done before people have already thought that they can control thy son and that thy son should be afraid of them and as far as I care they all can go to hell and I made a promise to thy son the people around here no mater what have to do something good to make their way to heaven Stevenson, Carson, Cascade looks, Home valley, North Bonaveal and all in Sakmaimey county and those who don't know about it Blame the ones who do and tried things against thy son.
It is not easy to forgive something that you cannot forget.
[p163-b2] It is not up to God to please people but for people to please God.
It is Better to obey than to sacrifice your spirit.
God, I pick someone right out of the blue, unexpected and place upon him tasks of monumental difficulties for which he don't always measure up to in every particular way.
Then there were the times when a little cowboy was setting on my head steering me around like a horse.
A woman at the Bank she charged $6.00 for cashing a check how mean ways will people rip other people off where will it stop; it is where you can not trust nobody to be honest no matter where their job is even though it was her job, to take a charge someone who is on welfare is no good or should the state add that much to the check so it does not cost the person that is on welfare, how greedy can a Bank get to charge people to cash checks everybody should not have Bank accounts and tell the Banks [p164-b2] to go to hell, Don't you think that the Bank should please the people instead of people pleasing them remember what happened in the 40th everybody who had money in the Bank when the market fell they had none no more or just got 10 cents to the $1.00 and you trust these people.
Then there were the times we talked about lazier and big ones for we talked about them a lot people should have known that thy son had smarts be on them just by what we did talk about.
Since I can not pay back the time that thy son lost because of what I done then how can a woman pay him back for the time he lost away from his young because of what she done.
[xx] For if anything happens to thy son then I hold the whole world responsible God.
If it were not for Jesus there would not be no Easter so the U.S. is lying to their young about the rabbit eggs no wonder no one [p165-b2] really believes you yet then to believe something and then they fond out that it is not true that some with Satan nick (Santa Claus) some of the U.S. ways are no good.
I do not like Divorce lawyers or lawyers who get bad off knowing that they should be punished penny any is penny any but Bad is Bad a lot of lawyers go to hell because I do not like what they do.
4/8/87 God got the truck back on the road even though it is not in the best of shape it needs a front Glass, and some better Brakes but at least can drive sometimes do not have to walk all the time and can go more places now and can go and pick up some of the things that we through away and we had to put back brakes on it and we paid for it next is front so I'm doing just enough to let people know that we do, do something we could live in the truck again; it still is hell not knowing when this thing is going to stop.
For to wait for something to stop controlling your life; it is not fun and there.
[p166-b2] For we are out on the town for I've taken thy son out once again.
Boy don't she look good thy son don't you wish you had one or her.
Once you are free where will your heart stoop where will it find love to have thy son as a playboy is not what I want but I owe him something for what I done his heart was set once then I helped mess it up and he has longed for another and I stop him from letting it be known.
God, I say you can do no wrong but remember thy son you still have to answer to me but remember; thy son there is different kinds of love and you can love those who love you but let your real love be your wives, family, and God is always first and Jesus for we are your family now.
Mel let me be go home and let me be free for I want to love a person not something that tortured me.
God the wink of the left eye on thy son has been the [p167-b2] wink of God for now God has been winking at people.
God, to know so much and yet not be known is hell, to not be free is hell, to be alone is hell, to love some and not have love back is hell, to have no one to love you is hell, to have no one to say sweet things to is hell.
Then there was the time when I took thy son out to have a few drinks on his Birthday for he got nothing else for no one else for he has been on a long road alone with no one who could understand what was going on they really would not like to believe what thy son says especially when it comes to being taken over by God and talk the coming of Christ and has been talking it for a long time 1 yr. Some have heard it so much that they do not believe so time link helps people believe his what happens when they find out the truth now should feel worse then you for they have been through nothing like you thy [p168-b2] son and the ones that have fucked with you and me better think about it and what they done.
God, there is love for God, love for wives, love for family and love for young but none are any good unless all love God laws and God way and there is love thy neighbor with means all not just the ones who live next to you or just go to your church.
God, history is being made and no one really understands the way you do thy son.
If these books get out a lot of people can and should say that they seen thy son writings then.
God for what I'm doing to thy son is not right for the life he expects is no where near what he is going through right now and wanders if he is prepared for what will come.
God, some of the things people think of doing to some one else and think that it would be funny but it wouldn't be funny if it happens to you [p169-b2] to be here and want to be there, to be imprison in life when you can be free in heaven as long as you a bide by the laws of heaven.
Heaven is beautiful, heaven is better than hell, heaven is a place where you find peace and love with out the flesh and you can do wrong in heaven, heaven is a place where everything is just right no cold and no heal hot, no Buildings to mess the place up, Only the house of God and only special ones get to go into the house of God in heaven for God does not talk and let every one come into his house.
[x] For the ways that we are help but not help, to be hard but mot hard, to be nice but not nice, to please but not to please, cannot solve everyone's problems, life is hard even in heaven, for you always have laws to abide by even in spirit can't do what ever it wants.
For I love you thy son even though I have not shown you.
For there was the time when thy son asked Hennery why [p170-b2] when I drove mountains that I go to peace no matter what when I drove it makes me peaceful but that is in the past it does not work anymore it just takes my mind off things for awhile.
Thy son will be the first one to be glad that God went home and leaving him alone for awhile to have peace of mind to have time to think of what God done to him and to wonder why it seemed like people hated him for something he was trying to tell them he could not control or stoop or had no choice about.
Unknown; Veterans Association: P.O. Box 5571 Tacoma, WA. 98405.
I don't care what thy son looks like he still is my son he does not look like a energy like me.
To just and wait for God to get finished is hell and to want to be free from God hold is hell.
I let people fuck with thy son and take advantage of his good nature and talk about things he does not want to talk about or hear about and some of it is a sore spot when [p171-b2] talked about.
To see others with a mate hurts because I have none.
I'm a way it looks like man still is buying a woman.
For I stop thy son from trying to fall in love and stop him from letting the women know what really is going on and how he feels she could win his heart in a minute if she does not get married or does not become too much of a women liberator for a man of God a woman can only say what she would like and it does not matter if she does not get it.
One of the worse things that a man or woman can do is try and destroy someone talking God especially when something happened to them that is out of the ordinary and enough fits to the point where he is involved with something and knows more than the rest.
Then there were the times when we called all women whores and said that they all were ridding with the dragon and the women of the spare tree at the time did not like it.
[p172-b2] Then there was the other time when we said that all women were ridding with the dragon and we did not care if they try and say that this was the mark of the beast because then they have to admit that the women are ridding with the dragon because it happens first and one woman said I guess that we lost that one.
For I want your enemies to be afraid of you and me thy son for I can not promise you that someone will not try and take your life and we have talked about this before.
Ken said once that his place was not a place to talk religion (and any place that you can't talk religion does not need to exist) and that is one of the reasons that he had us run in and checked out to keep us out of his place.
Since you do not know where they have been or with who and God taught you purity it is hard for you to choose.
For those who have fucked with thy son or has said bad things about thy so I do not [p173-b2] want any of them to even be in thy son presents and as for as I care they can go to hell for they can fool the people but they can not fool me for some think that they can put my son through hell and nothing will happen to them or they can become his friend and thy son does not know how much more was brought on him because of the way they talked about and the way that they talked against you thy son and that what you say thy son could happen and why if it is true would God choose you thy son.
To be what others are going to say must be the luckiest man there is but you thy son will not think that way you will just say why me what did I do to have God do this to me and all those who will think that they have been lucky to have been in the presents of God but just think of the hell it was for thy son because no one would believe and look at what he went through and what happened [p174-b2] to him just so it could be known was it worth it to him for Jesus lost his life and Mel wishes that he would.
It looks like to thy son that life does not mean anything but heaven is what God is all about and life is just a place to work your way to heaven no matter what you go through.
[xx] For how many times thy son do I have to tell you that Jesus would have loved to have had a family.
[x] Remember your world thy son it is not the same as other peoples any more and only you and I will know how much you hate living out your life.
Remember thy son there is a lot that you don't know.
For a man said to you tonight that you never hurt anyone and then have this happen to you to make you care about no one really if they did not
[p175-b2] really care about you that is the way that Jesus felt on the cross.
Then there was the time when Mark O. said that he would bash your head in thy son.
Then there was the time when Tom said that he would beat you up so you could not walk if you asked any more questions about him thy son.
There are so many things thy son that you will remember and regret.
Word gets out that thy son is a artiest but it does not get out that he is the son of God and God is in him and that God is visiting him and God is making him go through some kind of hell.
Welfare takes to long to help we went a month with out anything but food stamps and they had paper work to let them know that we needed it and sometimes they do not help the ones that could use help in general, not to get the people here in trouble but sometimes if they were faster it would help for as it is we are one month behind because of the wait so we gain nothing.
[p176-b2] Because of all the way that people have talked against thy son I do not care about them and people that work at C.O. ply have talked against thy son some how someway all of them have hindered what thy son has tried to do.
So only time will tell how thy son will be and how he handles what happened to him people can only make it worst and harder an themselves.
Then there was the time when we were talking and writing things to a truck driver and a woman from Co-ply did not like it and she kept open her big mouth and interrupting us Terry is her name.
There is a lot around here that I do not like men and women.
For when thy son has said I'll talk or see you later means that those have a good chance to be in heaven and not misery that thy son will see or talk to hem in his life or once it gets over for he can not see everyone that we have said it to.
For you have made a lot of friends and you have lost a [p177-b2] lot of friends but you know that Bill G. has been a friend all along one out of those that you know from around here that has done something for you others have been friends but have not seen you for along time and others were friends just as long as they thought that they were going to get something you know them thy son so your pick them and you have some that is your friend because they believe in God's way and know you a little But all that believe in God's way has been your friend for some have talked against you thy son false witness is what they are and just because someone does something for you thy son does not mean that they are your friend for you of all have a hard time.
How dies my son stay natural if people do not let him alone for a while so he can get used to what he is and get over what I put him through.
For once more I have kept my son up all night another night without rest and waiting for something.
If only people really believed what thy son says Boy the [p178-b2] regret that Jesus had because people would not believe him.
Why do people think that just to have a good time is all life is all about; or to have fun for a good time or to have fun can cost you your spirit.
[x] To know to get the recognition all at once it would mean in a way you would have to bring the world down up on this town.
[x] To know that it just isn't a small amount of people it's the whole world; and think that one-man comes out of nowhere and is thrown up on it.
To come from no one to listen to everyone listen, to think it could happen (oh it is about him again lets change the channel) Boy don't that sound good.
To come from hardly nobody around to a lot wanted to be around to be used to nothing to do to have a lot to do.
To be used to not having no place to go to enjoy thy self to having a whole world to go places but still may not enjoy thy self.
To come from a nothing to a something
[p179-b2] To in a way have nobody care to a lot to care.
Then there was the time when we said that I was God and it was up to you to prove me wrong and it is one phrase that they used against you thy son when they sent you away.
To be tired but not tried to have nowhere to go and nothing to do.
How can I forget God sweet taking a woman from the God who was made at Eave to a God that sweet talking Debbie.
We had a man this morning wanted to know if we ever used a air Brush he wanted a mural on his Bile but thy son would like it better if they know that he was the son of God.
To know somehow just the meanings could help out a lot and to know is written is happen to you to write the things that are going on.
For it isn't always what you look like that makes you Beautiful.
For then there was the time when we said that we only wanted beliefs set in our [p180-b2] presents and then it seemed like no one would set with us but now it is different people set with us but they really don't believe.
Is it wrong to set in a place and just write what ever comes to mind that somehow should mean something and with the thought that it might help someone else somehow, someway.
There is one here that does not like us but we stay any way but it is close for us to leave so it does not matter what she thinks.
For there is one tonight that said that she believes that thy son has a message to tell us and that somehow she believe that it is spiritual and that she is not afraid of thy son the way she used to and invited us up to her house for thy sons Birthday and she said that thy son does not need help like everybody says for somehow she felt that Mel is involved with the spirits and she knows that when we were over to her [p181-b2] house that thy son was talking to something and was afraid that it was evil but now she is not a friend, for she trust in her God and Jesus which is thy son's father and brother.
Then there was one tonight that said that if you have something in mind then promise it.
So somehow thy son sets here and does not know the ones that think that he needs help and they don't even know what kind of help but there is no one that can give him the kind of help that he needs but what is in him.
For we told the one again tonight that there were no hard feelings for he was the one who dropped the tree on thy son.
For then there was the time when we said that we were doing a human nature study on the people and we said it in the spare tree and there are some from around here that have said that thy son only know the one's that go to the spare tree and that is why he see things the way he does.
[p182-b2] For people do not even know what love is so how can they say that they love and that they know what it is for there is more to love then just being nice to someone or trying to prove something to someone else.
There is one who said that there are things that she can not talk to her husband about but knows that she can talk to us about them for we talk open by and don't care what comes out and says that she knows that thy son has something to do with revelations and we told her tonight that we are starting a religion movement our way and she would like to read what we are writing and she also said that what ever we have gone through is something that God want us to go through and she also said that she know that they son was a man of knowledge, art, poetry, writings, a man involved with the spirits and know about the Bible and she is sorry that the old writings of ours was destroyed.
[p183-b2] For we told one tonight there was a lot that he could learn from the church and church going people but there is a lot that they can learn from thy son for in a way you can say that the book of knowledge has been open up to thy son and the knowledge is God.
[x] Mel, why would God make me suffer more then I had to why doesn't God show me that he is forgiving for I have done nothing to go through this for I have done no great wrong.
[x] God, you know the answer thy son you just don't like it.
[x] Mel, for there are others around that have done greater wrong and yet they are free and nothing has happened to them.
[x] God, for they may not make it to heaven and those who do are just going to be spirits in heaven, they are not going to be something of importance like you are thy so on earth or in heaven.
For some one sure need's to set people straight about things there is some that call thy son a longhaired drug-pushing [p184-b2] hippie.
For it is a week away from Easter and I still do not know what is going to happen all I know is that at sometime something is suppose to happen to make my life better than what it is and how long that I have been waiting and instead of things getting really better they just seem to keep getting worse for as long as I'm not free things can't be better for me.
Then there are the one's who like thy son but do think that he is doing something like a mastermind and he has planned it all.
Then thee are the one's who know thy son does not what them think he should for some think he should work.
Then there are the one's who think that thy son should stop writing.
Then thee are the one's who wish thy son would move away.
{JESUS CRUSAFICHION} [x] To know the Power of the universe is in you and it won't do anything to help till it says it is ready to prove itself but what happens if it don't I'm stuck with something [p185-b2] that has taken me over and I can't stop it or get rid of it.
How do you think the people of the world is going to think when God does let himself be known how do you think that some is going to like God telling them his laws once again and leaving a son would mean that, that God plans to stay around for a while.
For beauty is in the eye of the beholder but in some there is a beauty that the eye cannot see.
This is a Boring town with nothing to do or any place to go for thy son so we spend time in the spare tree.
Then thee was the time when we told Greg's C. Mother that we were a profit and said that the pope would come to see us and that the court house records would be checked into at least those about thy son.
For since God wrote what is in the books you can see that there is some human factor in some of it and it all is for a reason.
For see so much how easy it is to get rid of something that is evil so why am
[p186-b2] I having such a hard time; it acts like evil because of what it is doing to me.
For there will come a time when you will be happy thy son but only after you learn to forgive for if you go through life not forgiving then you go through life in self torture, to forgive does not mean forget but it makes it easier to live.
Just think of the world thy son for as long as you know I have been here just think of all the good and the people that we could have saved if I would have let it be known then so there is a lot out there that has to learn to forgive not just thy son.
To be held in this town and have "think of the world" told to you from here there is no way I can think of the world for the world is a big place and this is a small spot and it is hard to see that from here that just one can help the world after he went through hell with out no one that wanted to believe [p187-b2] in what he was doing for everything that he needed he could not have.
For then there was the time when we told one that if your boy's really believe what you are doing then in time they could be in your presents for once it is over I don't want others to make you worse or make it harder on you if you can not stand certain people around you then tell them to go and you do not ever want to see them again.
Each day that passes love gets further away and peace does not come to you.
Then there was a woman who was trying to control your life and was not living with you and some of the things she was trying to tell you not to do they were doing.
For one man go through so much alone and people see it and can't put it together.
For can't they see how lonely thy son is doesn't anyone really care for why does God make it so hard on his son.
[p188-b2] Why did God let Jesus do it then why did God make him die, Why is God mean to the one's he says he loves. I can understand some of it but it does not make since to me; and why do this to me I did not ask to be your son.
A man who lost everything one who had all he ever needed lost it all not because of a war, not because of a fire, not because of a earth quake, not because of a flood, not because of a bad storm, but because of God and a tree.
To think because of God and a tree I went through hell it would have been better if I did not fight for my life for the hell I went through after word.
For the tree was so long ago but I can't forget what it did to me for I do not talk about it and I do not let it bother me but every time I try something and feel the pain I remember that was the way it was before God let me know he took me over and then once in awhile God would do something to let me feel
[p189-b2] like as if really I could forget for I have not been able to work and there is not much I can do as long as God does not let me and by now I'm not sure what I can do for I once did things to find out what my limits are but are they the same for now or are they worse for I have said that I so and stay with in my limitations but so much has happened I do not know what they are and how much did God help me with back when I was hurting I know I do not want to go through it again just to find out and if God has shown me my limitations then I can't do anything it looks like he just wants me to work for him.
God tell me something and then let it change how can I know what all will happen when God changes things the way that he feels or because the circumstances change he changes this is different from the God I read about but yet because all prophecy did not come true [p190-b2] then I guess he does change some but when he is mad he means it and not all is really known and when he puts someone or some people through hell and say that he will help the le does but they have to do thing God's way.
There is something wrong why does God wait why doesn't he do something to help I know he is here so why does he wait why does he have me go places that I do not like why does he make me feel bad around those who try and help and be good to me why does God make me feel things for some who do not know how I feel and it does not look like they will be around me because they belong to someone else why does God want me to love someone who does not love me why is God one sided and it looks like it is their side because he does not do anything and let them get away with it.
Why does God want to see his son's suffer if God cannot suffer then why does he have his son's do something he cannot.
[p191-b2] For all that I know I still do not know what is in me it say God and has shown me some things but just me and it was a long time ago so how am I suppose to know for did it do something just to trick me; putting me through this can't mean as much as what can be done.
Why can't it be better for me why do I feel this way when I'm here why does it look like we're going to write in another Book just because God won't finish this that he is putting me through.
Life has to mean more then this and God must not care about peoples spirits other wise he would have stopped a long time ago and let it be known.
To hold me here and not let it be known has to be worse than anything that I know for you are destroying the one who was suppose to help it is an injustice to me and all the one's who have been waiting and want to know and who wants justice.
What means more then God why does God not let himself be known but only to one.
To set here and have nothing to do not interested in even talking [p192-b2] no place to go that I feel that it would be any better as long as God is doing something to me he does not care about what I am or what makes me, me or he would not do this to me.
For to feel like hell, wishing that you were dead all ready and yet it is not time.
Job had it easy for he had those who know that he was a man of God but yet when he lost things no one helped until they were told.
For we see that it is easy for others to have fun and enjoy themselves no matter what has happened to them I hope it is that easy for thy son but he has been through something no body has and no body can say that they know what it was like and how hard it is to keep hearing about someone that you don't care about anymore for they done you wrong and not everyone knows it and it does no good to hear about what happened in the past or about the good times that might have been.